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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It seems the OP is complaining that she is shouldering more of the burden for kid-related activities (a shock, I know).

However, she does not mention what her DH was doing while she was getting the correct dress for her DD, etc. The answer to this question has a material impact here.

For example, if he is a vascular surgeon earning 90% of the household income, then she has little right to complain since he is earning the lion's share of their household income (HHI). BTW - My opinion would remain the same if the genders were reversed (i.e., she was the surgeon and he was out buying the red dress).

If both are contributing the same amount to their HHI, he should pick up half the kid-related tasks. If one outearns the other, the lower earner should pick up more of the slack. The math is simple: the higher earner in the family should focus more on their job to ensure they (as a unit) earn the most together.

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I really don't like this argument, that HHI is the way we measure contribution to the household. What if my nonprofit job which is arguably better for my family to see me doing and the world makes 1/10 as much as some man who works 1/2 the time but makes twice the money? And by the way, women make less money on the dollar for the same jobs, so shoud that mean they have to make up for it with other household tasks?[/quote]

Yeah, agree that's BS. Especially since there are plenty of people with sedentary desk jobs that are conducive to doing the kind of family admin OP is talking about, that pay more than very active jobs with very little downtime for personal admin. Like consider a couple where he's an accountant at a large company with regular hours and sits behind a desk all day making 200k, but she's a 2nd grade teacher making 100k. She spends most of her work day on her feet and interacting with kids and has extremely limited time during the day to sit at a computer and do things like make doctor's appointments or order a new pair of shows for a kid who outgrew theirs. The DH in that scenario is obviously better positioned to do that kind of admin work, even though he makes twice as much, because his job is way more conducive to it. And no one can argue his job is more fundamentally important, either.[/quote]

My husband and I have always viewed it as [b]time spent ACTUALLY working is what matters[/b]. We have both out-earned each other over the years, but there are times when one of us is very busy with work or has travel or is generally stressed, so that's when the other person steps up. It doesn't matter who is contributing what to the joint checking account. My best friend is a teacher (but doesn't earn $100K!) and her husband has a desk job where he slightly out-earns her but works significantly less hard. He even comes home from work for an hour every day for lunch (they don't live in the DC area and his commute is under 10 minutes). But because his day ends at 5 pm and hers ends at 3 pm, she shoulders the majority of the kid-related tasks. He could do 99% of the administrative stuff and actually could more easily take leave to do stuff but he doesn't. He grew up with a SAHM and his dad was always treated like the king so he thinks he's important even though he makes under $100K and works 1/100th as hard as she does. [/quote]

Consistently using your time at work to take care of personal matters is a good way to get fired. Then your friend will be missing the higher income from that "easy" job.

You do realize that this talk undercuts the validity of the initial concept of emotional labor, right?[/quote]

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