Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] I do not like incomplete statements that does not tell  the whole truth.

In the context of highly educated UMC women in DMV who choose to SAH the complete statement would be -  [b]We are financially well off,  we have a solid marriage, we are very well educated, we are priviledged in many ways, we have outsourced many domestic chores and my being home to raise kids is valued immensely by my DH.  WE also didn't want  someone else to raise our kids [/b][/quote]

This is the most interesting of the posts I've read here (not all). I think you're so right on this being the full story for some, but this definitely sounds impolite to say. Though all of it would become apparent to another person by spending enough time with the family to understand the full dynamic.

As usual, there are plenty of reactive responses here, but what is the constructive advice from the camp that doesn't want a SAHP to say this phrase? In this area I'm still frequently asked by people who don't know me well, "...and what do you do?" I would much rather give a little more context than simply, "I currently care for my children." That's not how conversations work. It's an incomplete answer. I am still a licensed professional in the behavioral health field. My actual choice was to continue to apply my training with other people's children while paying someone else to care for mine or use the skills I'd built for many years to care for the children I also waited through many years of infertility to have. When someone says, "I don't want to pay for other people to raise my kids," there are probably several personal layers embedded that have nothing to do with other people's choice.

Still, if people in the "never say that" camp have a helpful different idea for what to say in that common social situation, that would keep the conversation interesting, truthful, and inoffensive, please share. [/quote]

Why not just says “I worked as a behavioral _____ for a decade and have now shifted gears to staying home with the kids.”

I promise no one cares that much about your “why” and if they really pry then they’re being rude so give whatever response you want. But most people who aren’t close enough with you to know you are a SAHM are just making small talk when they ask “what do you do.”It’s not my personal go to question because most people’s jobs are boring and I don’t want to talk to them about work. But the ones who do ask aren’t trying to prod you for information on your fertility and finances.[/quote]

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