Reply to Holding my boundary. Let him be mad.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, do you and your husband have a sex life? Have you had sex since the 3 year old was born?

Is he a lawyer too?

Were you a SAHM when he lost his job?

Divorce looks really likely for you guys. Unless you get therapy I'm not sure you will be less angry and resentful of an ex-DH.

OP, what was your childhood like? How was your rx with your dad? Do you have issues with authority figures at work? It just feels like there is so much anger and unhappiness and disconnection and resentment. Maybe some patterns are being recreated? [/quote]

I have never not worked. He made more than me after law school, but I’ve always worked.
Definitely have huge resentment surrounding his period of unemployment. He decided to pursue a passion project after being laid off they takes twice as much time and makes 1/3 of his prior salary. We are not wealthy. If we had more money I would outsource more things like cleaning babysitters for date night etc. I have asked him for years to consider (even apply) for higher paying jobs. He will not. And before I get flamed again, NO I’m not going to be the one to go run for a higher paying job bc I carry the benefits and I need to make sure we are stable. [/quote]

[b]Your focus on being "flamed" here is striking since most have been supportive.[/b] You seem very locked into a victim mentality even though the reality is different.

How can you be a lawyer and not have a high paying job? Are you a fed? Is he a lawyer too? If he got laid off from BigLaw how could he possibly be doing work now that requires MORE time?

Your life sounds absolutely tragic for your child, ngl, so much tension and passive aggressiveness and the dynamic just seems toxic. [/quote]

WHAT?!? Have you read the almost 30 pages? People have literally OP she should give her daughter up for adoption. I'm not sure I'd say "most" have been supportive. Maybe half, at best. And the ones who haven't have been awful. [/quote]

OP is doing herself no favors here with the combativeness. What support does she actually want? Can any of us smack her husband upside the head or tell him to get with the program? She just keeps dumping more and more without acknowledging the advice she's been given or what her next steps might be.  It's not clear what she wants out of this. This is the man she married she needs to either commit to making it better or leave. Complaining changes nothing.[/quote]

She wants to be the righteous martyr.

The way she rebuffed her kid and DH left w/o saying goodbye to the child is sickening behavior by both parents.

Neither one will be a good parent after the divorce, they cannot attune to her needs over the dopamine hit of "winning." It will just find other outlets after the split or OP may continue her zealous focus on her then ex-DH. Divorce will give her endless grievances.

The most striking thing besides the active harm being done to the kid in their "gotchas" is no mention of any friends, family friends, playdates, any kind of socializing, church, neighbors, etc. Eash is a little island, sometimes interacting with the 3 year old, sometimes hurting her to score points. In a way, they are perfect for one another to recreate a very sick pattern. Her need to do it all and be the big victim is matched by his withdrawing or half assing. They are locked in. But the child is the biggest loser and they have no focus on a happy home, family time, traditions, engagement with a bigger support network, etc. 
[/quote]
You’re quite the drama llama.[/quote]

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