Reply to Holding my boundary. Let him be mad.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP can you name a single thing the 3 of you do as a family regularly that involves laughing together?

That poor child is going to remember parents bickering over dishtowels, rebuffing her, then 2 homes where she shuttles back and forth. The rebuffing pattern may not change so she'll be on screens if not being "enriched." Profoundly lonely and will have NO IDEA how to create and maintain relationships because it was never modeled. She is likely to hate you, OP, NO ONE likes a martyr.

I think DH was speaking for himself when he texted about the child feeling rejected. They likely both feel rejected by you like he felt rejected as a kid. He may have confused your endless "doing" with caring and nurture bc his mom did nothing. No one is getting emotional connection.

You are so entrenched in the doing and martyr role, if you could step back from it, the whole dynamic would change within the FAMILY, that is what you have now, OP. I think you and DH are both really enmeshed in family of origin dynamics with one another. Divorce won't fix the ghosts of the past. Don't you SEE the parallels with your childhood? Lower earning DH (more unusual then), martyr mom, no sense of joy, fun, connection? Your martyr role leaves him the acting out one, you are stuck in a negative feedback & withdrawl pattern. And both of you withhold yourselves from connection with a young child. That is tragic, you are using her to score points in a sick dance.

If you think you are anxious about money now just wait until there are 2 homes to support.

[/quote]

She's supporting her family, doing the bulk of the domestic work and child care, she's an attentive parent, her husband sucks, and she's supposed to step back from doing the things that make her household work....how, exactly? There's no indication she has crazy high cleaning standards. She doesn't have the money to outsource. This is it. It'll get better somewhat as her kid gets older. And you want her to be more cheerful to her lousy husband? A lot to ask and probably won't work, because his objection is the idea that he should have to do literally anything. So unless she's prepared to take on everything with a smile on her face - which you'd just accuse her of being a martyr for anyway - things are going to be tense with him. [/quote]

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