Reply to Holding my boundary. Let him be mad.

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Reply to "Holding my boundary. Let him be mad."

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[quote=Anonymous]OP can you name a single thing the 3 of you do as a family regularly that involves laughing together?

That poor child is going to remember parents bickering over dishtowels, rebuffing her, then 2 homes where she shuttles back and forth. The rebuffing pattern may not change so she'll be on screens if not being "enriched." Profoundly lonely and will have NO IDEA how to create and maintain relationships because it was never modeled. She is likely to hate you, OP, NO ONE likes a martyr.

I think DH was speaking for himself when he texted about the child feeling rejected. They likely both feel rejected by you like he felt rejected as a kid. He may have confused your endless "doing" with caring and nurture bc his mom did nothing. No one is getting emotional connection.

You are so entrenched in the doing and martyr role, if you could step back from it, the whole dynamic would change within the FAMILY, that is what you have now, OP. I think you and DH are both really enmeshed in family of origin dynamics with one another. Divorce won't fix the ghosts of the past. Don't you SEE the parallels with your childhood? Lower earning DH (more unusual then), martyr mom, no sense of joy, fun, connection? Your martyr role leaves him the acting out one, you are stuck in a negative feedback & withdrawl pattern. And both of you withhold yourselves from connection with a young child. That is tragic, you are using her to score points in a sick dance.

If you think you are anxious about money now just wait until there are 2 homes to support.

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