Reply to I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She can go back to work full time but Op has to promise to take on the role of the default parent while his wife establishes herself in her career. That might take a year or more.

Do you understand what it means to be the default parent, Op?

It means being the parent who stays at home when the kids are sick or off of school for a holiday or snow day.  It means being the parent who takes the kids to doctor and dental appointments.  It means being the parent who goes to teacher conferences and volunteers to chaperone field trips.  It also means being on duty while your wife goes away for a week or more at a time on business trips - sometimes to really fun locations (Vegas, Orlando, San Diego, Boston, NYC) - while your stuck at home working FT, getting kids to/from school, doing laundry, helping with homework, making dinner....

Do that for a year and then come back to tell us how it went.  Good luck!

[/quote]

What in the hell do families do if both parents work?  I mean, is it even possible to function?[/quote]

DP here — You’re missing the point of the PP.  it’s not that you can’t have two WOHPs.  It means one taking the lead like OP’s wife has done up until now, while she amps up her career — assuming that’s the decision they JOINTLY decide upon.  One thing the PP forgot to mention is the default parent needs to be forward thinking about stuff that won’t enter or sink into teens’ minds:  finding out what kind of SAT/ACT prep is needed, where to sign up and when, coordinating transportation, making sure kid stays on top of college apps, school work and extracurriculars, making sure kid has food while mom and dad are at work (so many parents eat out and I see so many non-default parents not thinking about kids need while in the thick of things at work), etc.[/quote]

I have teens in high school who are doing very well, and our family is close. We both work full-time. In our house, you know who does a lot of the investigation work and thinking/education about the college process? Who do their own homework? Who know how to feed themselves healthy food, for God's sake? My own children. They are competent, responsible kids who we have encouraged and taught responsibility to since they were little.

I honestly can't get over how much some of the posters on this thread want to hamstring the competence of their own children. Why don't you want them to take responsibility? To be an active agent in their own lives? It's horrifying and a real window into why teens and college students are such messes these days.[/quote]

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