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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My fiancee is divorced and has a seven year old daughter. Although she has an income well below six figures - and lives in an excellent school district - she insists on splitting private school tuition with her ex. Unfortunately, she then has no money to contribute to retirement or do much else other than pay her rent and basic expenses.

What can I do to get her to realize that she needs to plan for her future? She has no assets and a fair amount of student loan debt as well.

[/quote]

I'm married to a man with three kids.  He had financial arrangements in place for his kids before I met him.  Both he and his ex wanted private school for their kids.   I knew that going in.   We live more simply than we might if he had had no kids.   It's fine with me.  I can't abide by a man who doesn't support his children.   Maybe it's a little different feeling when it's a woman supporting her child, I don't know.

In any event, since you two will live together, the mortgage should be less than whatever the two of you are paying for separate dwellings, right?  There's some easy savings right there that can be directed to retirement, or whatever else you prioritize together.   Sit down and have these conversations now.

If you want to live like you don't have a kid, it's not going to happen.  That child will always be there and your fiancee/wife will always be making decisions that impact that kid....and impact you.   It can be infuriating at times.   I'm being honest here.   So be ready for that.  I've been married 12 years now, and despite it all, I'm very happy with my marriage.   Again, my husband takes good care of his kids, and I respect him for that.   The differences of opinion we have about how to do that pale in comparison.

Just make sure you have your eyes open going in, OK?  That kid is there forever.  Past age 18.   Don't forget about college.   ;)  [/quote]

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