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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So many people here don't understand ADHD.  I may be the poster you referenced from the other thread whose DH was diagnosed with ADHD after our DS was diagnosed.  I totally feel for you, I do.  I've BTDT.  Do you attend coaching with your DH?  If not, you should. She needs to hear your feedback in order to better tailor his coaching.  Are you in couple's counseling?  If not, you need to be.  If your DH is like mine, he had no idea the impact his ADHD was having on our relationship despite the fact that I was clear and calm when I spoke to him about it outside of counseling.  Hearing it from a counselor made a difference as did the counselor discussing the higher rates of relationship failure among people with ADHD.

Even with counseling, a coach and medication, life with my DH wasn't easy.  It gets worse when he's in a depression - does your DH suffer from that?  Before you say no, please know that depression  (like ADHD) has a huge range of symptoms and it doesn't always display as 'being down' or 'sad'.  With my DH, it shows up more as moodiness and being emotionally distant.

DH and I have gotten close to divorce.  But, I am committed to our marriage and him as long as he maintains good effort.  There are times he falls short and I have to expect that.  It's how he handles falling short that makes the difference.  Obviously, this isn't how I imagined our relationship but the 'overall package' is acceptable to me.  DH has a lot of great qualities and brings a lot to our relationship that's important to me.

I don't know you or your DH or whether your relationship should continue or not.  That's something you need to work in counseling.  But, you should know that ADHD is highly heritable. Even if you divorce your DH, it more likely than not that your DC has ADHD and you're going to need to learn ways to help your DC.[/quote]

Whether ADHD or another illness or addiction, an adult is responsible for seeking treatment for the sake of the family, especially with children involved.  If they won't, then no one should have to live with their chaos and abuse.

PP, its great your DH makes effort, but that's not OP's reality.  And your fatalistic views about the kid inheriting are just not helpful. It's not clear that in OPs case it's due to illness or he's just  a narcissistic ass, I lean toward the latter.[/quote]

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