Reply to Anyone's ILs don't get gifts from you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I always feel sad when I read posts like yours, OP.  It's more important for you to be right than it is to live in a happy, healthy marriage.  When you get married you merge families. Your DH's parents are part of your family now.  Why are you keeping score on who is doing more in your marriage? You are supposed to be a team.

I've been married for 30 years. I've watched lots of marriages fail. In every singe case, the wife sounded exactly like you.  If you continue this type of thinking, you will end up divorced.  Maybe that's ok with you. But I promise you, your DH will not stay married to someone who keeps score, who is on the lookout for any perceived hint of unfair treatment, and who treats his family as less-than. [/quote]

And there are many unhappy marriages where the wife takes on almost all the responsibility for the home, child care, managing family relations, etc while working full-time as well. It's ok to set limits.[/quote]
+1 [/quote]

We both work full-time jobs.  We both handle buying gifts for the adults in our respective families.  Now, if I see something that I think his mother would like, I will mention it to him (or, if it's something small, I'll just buy it), and he does the same for my family.  But ultimately, it's his responsibility to buy gifts for and send card to his parents and siblings, and it's mine to buy for my parents and siblings.  We confer on gifts for our nieces and nephews.  It's not about keeping score, it's about recognizing that we are both adults and I am not automatically responsible for managing his relationship with his family.  Hell, he's known them a lot longer than I have, so why shouldn't he choose their gifts.  As it is, I do all the work of planning birthday parties and buying birthday and Christmas gifts for the kids.  I don't need more.    [/quote]

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