Reply to Ever know the "perfect couple" who wound up divorcing?

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Reply to "Ever know the "perfect couple" who wound up divorcing?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For everyone saying they have noticed a pattern of the divorcing couples to be the ones who were so active and social, it's because they never wanted to be at home alone with just each other. Being social and active is a way of avoiding being in their own house alone with one another. I know because in the low/tough points of my marriage I have noticed that I will become more social like this- almost like I need to constantly surround us with others and stay busy doing stuff because it's distracts me from whatever we have going on. When we are in our regular normal pattern and are happy and connected, I'm happier to just hang out as a family and do stuff with just us because I don't need the distraction/avoidance. [/quote]

Good point pp. [/quote]
+1 I totally agree ... [/quote]

I completely disagree. I have two very close friends who I know for certain are in great marriages for the most part, minus your normal disagreement here and there. They both have extremely full social calendars, both the wife and the husband. I personally am of the belief that you need to have a balance between family things, date nights, and then time doing things with friends or maybe even a hobby that you have just for yourself. Your spouse is not suppose to be your everything. That puts way too much pressure on a person. It is VERY healthy to have outside active relationships and interests that don't involve your spouse. This is also discussed in couples therapy 101. If you think being attached at the hip at all times is a sign of a good marriage you should research dependency issues. [/quote]

Perhaps you don't understand. I don't think what is being said here is that being attached at the hip is a sign of a good marriage. What the other PP said was that sometimes couples compensate for not wanting to be with each other by doing too much with other people. Of course a balance is best. But when you are out of balance (that couple time is strained) it is possible to overcompensate in other areas ... extra time on your hobby, extra time with other people. So, this is just one strategy that unhappy couples use that masks the underlying feelings.[/quote]

Exactly. I am one of the other PPs who has noticed this. We were just saying that some couples use this as a coping mechanism, just like some couples focus obsessively on their kids to avoid intimacy, and so on.

You sound ridiculously defensive. Maybe you should research defensiveness. [/quote]

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