Reply to saying no to sharing, am I modeling it correctly?

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[quote=Anonymous]
I have had children abuse DD's sense of sharing in school. They'll ask for a hair piece (clip, ribbon, band) and when she hesitates they use sharing as leverage. Then, they don't give it back. So, in school settings, I've practiced with her putting the blame on me. "Sorry, my mommy won't let me (take of this necklace or bracelet or hair clip)." It's hard for her because appearing rude is a no-no in our house and she's too young to understand that being assertive isn't rude.

The same has happened with DS, when boys ask to play with something, only to walk away with it. When teachers at aftercare step in, the kids claim, "oh, I was just playing with it for a minute..." then continue to f around about giving it back. They don't play with DS, they take the toy. So, he isn't allowed to bring anything particularly important (to him) to school. We've also set up some toys that he can actively offer, like those one-dollar collections of plastic cowboy and Indians sets (cringe, I know). Or, with those damn Pokeman cards, he holds them and "shares" by letting them look at them. That's it.

In public spaces, I'm there and will hold anything I don't want anyone to run off with (a special sword or his Razor). I have had to walk up to a child and say, "sharing means giving back" when a girl walks away with one of DD's dolls. If a parent is there, I'll let the kids take turns riding the scooter and cheer everyone on, knowing/hoping that the other parent will manage any child who might glide out of the area or whatnot.

Sharing on this board means one thing. It's not how I've seen it play out though. I've never had a kid lash out if I say, "We're focused on practicing X now. Next time, buddy." If my children have bubble guns and other kids gather to "share" (take them), I'll either be there to make sure each child has a turn or take over bubble duty and make a game of all the children in that section of the park catching the bubbles as they fly around.

There are a lot of different ways to share. OP needs to definitely teach her son to self-advocate and not get taken advantage of by other kids. But, OP, you also need to teach him HOW to share. In your case, if he's hunting something with the metal detector, the other child can join in the hunt and learn about other things he's found. He doesn't have to give over the equipment in order to share.[/quote]

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