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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For those saying DIL should have "discussed it first"--please explain this to me because I sincerely don't get it.  We, a financially independent, grown-up couple discussed what we wanted to do for a major holiday this year and came to a decision.  As I see it, the next step is just to inform anyone who may be effected by that decision.  Why would we need to discuss it with anyone else?  Truly.  If I already know what I'm going to do, there's no discussion to be had.  If I wanted a really big family party, I might call someone to discuss if there was anyone else it would be nice to invite, but if the point is to keep it small, then we likely chose the guest list carefully.  Calling someone (esp. what sounds like a pretty critical MIL) to discuss gives the false impression that it is open to debate.  What if it was a done deal?  How does one announce that without being in the wrong?[/quote]

I think it's very weird to announce a change in family tradition via evite. It's very passive aggressive.

I'm a DIL who discussed with my DH and decided we wanted to host Christmas for the first time this year, as our kids are getting to the age where Santa is a big deal and want to stay home. We made this decision but then DH had to gently break the news to his mother, over the summer, since it was a change in family tradition. IMO that's the right thing to do- she wasn't very happy but I feel like an evite announcement would have been over the top.[/quote]

This.  Handling this through an evite is what is odd and understandably disturbing to op.  I'm another DIL, not a MIL.  It's fine to decide you want to host or do your own thing different from a long-standing tradition, but that's worth a phone call or at least an individual email, not a group Evite.  That's pretty cold.

If I were op, I'd call my son and ask him what's up, see what he has to say and go from there. [/quote]

+1. [/quote]

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