Reply to Divorced parents late in life drama

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Divorced parents late in life drama"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Their marriage ended. Your mother is no longer responsible for your father and she doesn't owe it to you to take him on. Do what you can for your father to the extent you can, as his child. It's as if he was a widower. This doesn't have anything to do with you mother anymore.[/quote]
This.

I can't help but see gender expectations at work here. I doubt it would occur to OP to expect her father to help care for her mother post-divorce. Why in the world would your mother volunteer to care for a man she divorced? She owes him nothing.[/quote]

So what explains the lack of empathy to her daughter?

Does she owe her nothing also? You know since the daughter was the product of the failed marriage,  does that make her disposable too?[/quote]
You are being quite the drama queen. The mother is expressing that the fact that the father is sick doesn't mean she shouldn't get to see OP and OP's family. It is another expression of her zero fucks to give about the father. Certainly, it is exacting of OP's mother to expect that OP will apportion her time equally between two parents, one of whom is sick and one of whom is well. But the fact that OP's mother wants nothing to do with caring for the father, having care for the father cut into her family time, or hearing about OP's care for the father tells me there is acrimony involved here that OP is too selfish and self absorbed to notice. That father did that mother wrong and the reasons why the mother sought a divorce boil down to a whole lot more than freaking wanting to travel.[/quote]

OP here. I, like most people who have divorced parents, did not get into the nuance of why they split. Because regardless of whether they didn't want to see each other, they were my parents and they both loved me and I truly love them.

What I don't love is the idea that I shouldn't feel frustrated that I'm going through a rough time, losing a parent to an eventual terminal illness, and just say you know what mom? It's 50/50. Come on down. Let's hit the American Girl Doll Store for brunch like you wanted.  Sorry about the whole dying thing, dad. Your time is your time, buddy.
P
Am I crazy or isn't this screwed up?[/quote]
You are expecting your feelings to take precedence over hers.

Let me flip the point of view here since you can't seem to see beyond yourself:

Is it fair to expect your mother who has just reclaimed her life from a man who ate up her youth to then cede crucial time with her family to this man and even be expected to carry her kids emotionally through the process of caring for this man? Why is it always about him? Why isn't it fair to expect her adult kids, who have chosen to carry the burden of their father's care, to manage that care while also realizing their mother matters and time with her shouldn't be overshadowed by their father's problems?[/quote]

Pp you do realize the man is dying. And her father, right? That's hella petty. [/quote]

Yes, OP's father. Not her mother's father. And you have no idea what might have transpired between OP's mother and her father to make OP's mother want nothing to do with him. [/quote]

I'd offer more support to a neighbor whose father was dying than op is getting from her mom right now.  Op's mom sounds immature and uncaring towards her daughter.  In op's shoes I'd be upset as well.  No one is expecting the mom to care for the dad, but some emotional support and some level of caring about op's feelings should be expected. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics