Reply to Infertility and my crumbling marriage

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[quote=Anonymous]OP i'm so sorry for what you are going through.  Infertility is hell.  ANY couple going through this would struggle, no matter how strong you are.

i would recommend you put the money worries on hold for now.  you are both going through a lot, and frankly you need to cut yourselves some slack.  i know its really tough because i kept thinking, well, we should save money if we want to have kids but if we can't have kids we might as well spend money and how am i supposed to plan my life when its all going so wrong??!!  this will really drive you crazy.  instead you have to live in the moment, and i think my husband was right about that in retrospect.  if/when a child comes along somehow/someday, you guys will find a way to make it work financially then.  for now, you can't put plans on hold indefinitely because of that uncertainty.  you have to live your life in spite of the uncertainty.

i get that he hasn't handled things well with your family, and that's very sad.  but i wouldn't judge him too harshly on that given what you are both going through.

but most of all, OP, you have to stop beating up yourself.  when you say 'rotten eggs' i hear your pain of feeling inadequate somehow, or that you've let your husband and yourself down.  it almost sounds to me like you are looking for excuses to leave him partly out of the shame that you carry around for not being able to have that child.  you have to snap out of that, OP-you deserve love, you deserve a life partner and the family that you two will make together, whatever form it takes.  you did nothing wrong, its not your fault.  life throws all kinds of unfair shit at us and it doesn't make us any less worthy.  its no more your fault than if you got cancer, and we have to live our days as if each one is precious because we never know what will happen to any of us.

after we had our second loss, my husband booked a trip for us out west.  then, later, he booked a trip for us to asia.  i didn't really feel up to going on either one and was always dragging my feet but he really wanted it for us and i do think it helped heal me individually and us as a couple.  now i realize how much he was devastated by watching me suffer and frankly would have  probably sold an organ to try to get me out of my funk at that point.  that is a guy who is worth hanging onto.    obviously, i'm not sure if it applies to you, but regardless i wish you both strength and love.

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