Reply to Infertility and my crumbling marriage

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[quote=Anonymous]Going back to your original post, OP, I wonder how much time you expect your DH to spend around your parents' family.  Of course DH wants you to choose him over them; you should and must.  Your marriage comes first.

I know it is hard to feel that now because your marriage is in a rocky place.  But this is where the vows matter.  You promised to love each other till death.  That's going to include some shitty years.  Right now, you're in the thick of grief and loss and hurt and confusion.  This is not the time to divorce.  This is the time to strap yourself in and ride on your vows for a while.  You can say to yourself, I made a vow to be partners with this man, so I'm sticking around.  I'm putting us first.  We're going to be on the other side of this grief someday.  I will feel love for him again, and in the ska time I'm going to DO love.  I'm going to love him in actions.  I'm going to love myself in actions.

Maybe you retreat into that team he kept referring to for a while.  Give your little family of 2 a break from your extended family.   He is hurt and angry and grieving about your sister's refusal to help.  It's a totally reasonable thing to say no to, but it's also reasonable for him to be very, very sad and angry and disappointed and generally unpleasant for a while.  For both your sakes, limit being with them and focus on being with your DH.

John Gottman's books have some practical ideas for rebuilding your friendship.   And when you make some progress with that, YNAB is great for maki h a biludget as a couple.  Maybe if you create some shared financial goals together, plus create a vacation goal or something to look forward to...?[/quote]

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