Reply to The type who gets cheated on

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Cheaters are acting on their narcissistic entitlement.  I deserve sex, I deserve more, I deserve better, and deceiving and hurting  another person is irrelevant while I tend to my own desires.  Is there a type that tends to be more attracted to narcissists? Probably. [/quote]

I find the accusations of "narcissists" on DCUM entirely overdone...pathologizing assholery is a way of avoiding dealing with complicated issues.  All people - all mentally healthy people - have some narcissistic traits: liking yourself and loving yourself are prerequisites to being a well-adjusted healthy adult.  That said....

I think the original posts touched on a dynamic which is often framed in a "saint" vs. "user" dichotomy...and I want to suggest that dichotomy might also be expressed as "doormat" vs. "user" dichotomy.  It is important to have self-respect/regard (cue: narcissism) and [b]we all telegraph to others how we expect to be treated by showing them how we treat and regard ourselves[/b].

This is why women are drawn to "bad boys" and men are drawn to "bitches": they signal that they consider themselves worthwhile and that we'd better work at it to get them.  People chase scarcity.

Yes, people who cheat are generally looking for a way to shore up their weak ego - they are looking for external validation (this is what real narcissists are after - they do not really love themselves - they need that validation externally) - they are looking for an 'easy' way to get their legitimate needs for sex, love, affection, validation met - they don't believe they actually deserve that from their spouses, so they don't demand it...instead, they cheat.  They steal what they don't think they deserve (but crave).    So, nope being cheated on isn't so much a reflection of the spouse as of the cheater - there is a type who are cheaters.

But there is also a type who are drawn to insecure, poor self-image people - and that type winds up disproportionately with people who are prone to cheating.  They are also telegraphing "no self respect" to those who would take advantage of them.  [/quote]

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