Reply to How to politely deal with BF's ex-wife?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "How to politely deal with BF's ex-wife?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you guys engaged or not? I'm married but if I was divorced I may also have issues with exH's "girlfriend" sleeping over. It's not necessarily personal against you. It could be ANY girlfriend. [/quote]

We're not engaged, but will be getting married soon. We're a little older--36-48 age range, so we're skipping the whole engagement process. The ex didn't have issues with previous GsF, but I am a permanent fixture. She told her child that she never wants her child to have a stepmother.

-op[/quote]

OP, your boyfriend's ex probably doesn't view you as a permanent fixture - because you're NOT engaged. You're getting married "soon"? Have you set a date? If you have discussed marriage and agreed to marry, you are engaged, whether you have a flashy ring or not. I didn't have an engagement ring and was married 3 months after we decided we were going to marry. Just because I never got a huge deal proposal and a ring doesn't mean that I wasn't engaged for those 3 months.

I would imagine that your boyfriend's ex sees that and is concerned that her ex is playing house with the temp of the week, while her daughter lives there. In that situation, as a mom, I would be concerned that my child was becoming attached to someone who was not likely to stick around. I would be concerned that my ex was introducing drama into my child's life. I would be concerned that my child was spending a lot of time with someone I didn't know anything about.

My ex is remarried to someone who doesn't like me. She's never made a secret of it. We aren't friends and we aren't gonna be friends. We never did the getting-to-know-you coffee either. My ex was the one who brought my daughter back from weekends at their house, and I was pretty annoyed when she moved in and he never told me. I found out  from my 4 year old, which is not a good coparenting strategy. Men have a tendency to nest-in with their "new family" to encourage a bond. It's nice - sweet, even - but if you're the other parent in that situation, it feels an awful lot like an attempt to erase you. Even the most secure person isn't gonna be great at dealing with that.

As for how to handle this woman, you stick to your company manners. You continue to be kind and generous toward your boyfriend's daughter. You build your relationship, and if you interact with her, keep it civil and pleasant. Let go of the text messages, or have your boyfriend stop referring to you as "girlfriend" and start referring to you as "fiancee" if that's what you actually are. If not, well, figure out what the hell IS going on with him, since that's a bigger deal than his ex-wife texting him.[/quote]

He actually did tell her and she is just in denial; in her mind no one can ever replace her....even if the divorce was finalized 6 years ago. I personally have nothing against the woman, just tired of her silly immature comments about me.[/quote]

Well, then my suggestion is that you be the mature one and get over it. There's no reason for him to show you those text messages anyway. You both need to ignore her shitty behavior and behave well. That's the only solution.

And you didn't answer about the "engaged" issue, which leads me to believe that you may only think that you're getting married soon.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics