Reply to I don't love my husband and don't think I ever did

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband and I have two children together. The youngest is 4 months. I do not feel like I love my husband anymore. Not sure if I ever did. We had happy moments but nothing that swept me off of my feet. We married, had children, have stable jobs, and blah blah blah. We did what we were supposed to do. However, something is missing. There is no spark. There is no flame. What do I do if there was never a flame? I rather spend time with the kids than with him. Do not get me wrong though... He is a good guy. Not mean, a good provider, and all that good stuff. What am I missing that I desire? I have no post partum depression. I love my kids, enjoy going out, being with co workers.... It's just him. I'm angry at myself for not loving him like I should when he has done nothing. We are highly sexual people and have sex all of the time so that is not it. Advice?[/quote]

DH here.

This is me, though the flame/spark/something for me is a genuine connection that never really existed in my marriage. We were college sweethearts and married young, and I think all of the excitement of living in the city, and planning a wedding, and playing house masked who we really were, what we really wanted. Fast forward two decades and we're fully entrenched, living the suburban professional dream, and everything's ... fine. Except it's not fine, because it's like I'm inhabiting someone else's marriage. Like I've been dropped into an arrangement with this person who's very nice, and a great parent, and a reliable, agreeable partner. Someone who I [i]do[/i] love ... right? Who I miss when she's away (well...). Who I look forward to spending time with (um...).

So now we have to invent ways to connect, to try to feel like it's there.  Go though the motions.  *Force it.*  Whatever you have to do to try to feel okay, because how can you feel this lost for the rest of your life? I think eventually you just make an uneasy peace with it. You come to terms. Or you go looking where you shouldn't, and maybe find that something, and then have to live with knowing that it's out there, but you'll never really have it. Not the way you want. Not unless you're willing to walk away. And you know you can't.

All that's left is trying to feel okay. That's all you can really do, OP. Find a way to feel okay.[/quote]

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