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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I bet he's still cheating. He probably had a plan all along: quietly cheat until your son heads off to college, and then blindside you with a divorce so he can shack up with his soulmate, the young divorcee. He's probably pissed that you caught him. Does your son know? Any chance your husband convinced you to not tell the son? I bet he still plans to bail once your kid goes to college. If kiddo is 18 when he bails, no child support! It's in his best financial interest to stick it out until the kid turns 18. Then, you sell the house and split the proceeds. No child support. Split college tuition 50-50. He'll suggest that he keeps his retirement and you keep yours. He will move in with his girlfriend, and his finances will be fine.

This is what I would worry about. [/quote]

I can see this.  The sick thing is H. took son to do things with H. and AP.,  like they went skiing, had movie nights, pizza nights,  son watched her kids so they could go out. I thought husband and son were doing these things together just the two of them.  I had no idea AP and her kids were involved. Son had AP's phone number in his phone and when the shit hit the fan, son starting texting my husband's AP.  I felt really betrayed on every front.  Son was asked not to text husbands AP after that week, and it hasn't happened again.[/quote]

Omg, OP!

I hope you've spoken to a lawyer. Your husband is merely sticking it out until your kid turns 18 for financial reasons.

Here's what I would do:

1. Speak with a lawyer this week. Do not tell your husband or son (neither can be trusted).

2. Get your ducks in a row.

3. If you aren't already working FT with a salary that can support you, then get your resume in order.

Wow. Just wow. I'm so sorry. If it were me, I would be equally furious with my husband and teenager. [/quote]

This is OP.  Yes it was crappy.  I work full time.  Splitting everything would be fine, divorce is not the worst thing that could happen.  It's not what I want.  But I recognize the possibility.  I hate throwing away our history as a family.  I'll never have that again , and I value that.[/quote]

You may value it (and I would, too), but your husband clearly doesn't.

You sound like you are having trouble dealing with reality. Based on what you've told us about your husband, he clearly doesn't care about you. So hoping that he will magically start treating you differently is pretty odd.

If you are committed to jumping through hoops in an effort to make him happy, then I think you already know what to do. If he criticizes you for not being happy, then be happy. Based on what you posted about him, it sounds like he's having fun with his girlfriend (skiing and doing fun stuff). Be that person. Let everything go. Don't blame him. Fill his calendar with fun and sex. See how that plays out.

To be clear: I wouldn't do any of what I just suggested above. I would recognize that he simply doesn't care about me, so I would strategically take steps to prepare for divorce. And I say that as a catholic who values marriage...but who also recognizes that you can't have a marriage when one party doesn't care about the other. [/quote]

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