Reply to My Master's vs DH's job

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why can't you wait until you relocate and then go back to school?[/quote]

Her husband has been at his job for only  6 months and already wants to quit, but in 3-6 months he will start looking and who knows how long it will take him to find something acceptable.  By then she could have finished a year of her degree and move on to weekly intensives like she said.  She shouldn't put her goals on hold indefinitely having already sacrificed while her husband earned 3 degrees.  And all of this is coming out the week before OP is starting a program she's excited about.  No way.  She should go ahead with her plans.  Do none of you unsupportive posters have daughters?[/quote]

Another poster who agrees with this plan.

OP - I think you got folks sidetracked because they put this situation in the context of their own lives in which it really would be a financial cost-benefit analysis, and in that situation what you propose might not make sense.  But for you and your family it isn't about the money at all - it's about prioritizing the needs and goals of both family members, and at some point your DH needs to step up and make it your turn.

I will say this - this type of negotiation sounds familiar to me, and I think like in salary negotiations there are gender dynamics that come into play. Your DH may not realize just how much you have put his needs first *because you just did it without making a big stink about it.*  I think many women just support their spouse without massive prodding, and then are frustrated when they feel like it is their turn and in order to get the support they deserve they have to raise a huge ruckus.  And I don't think either side is right or wrong here, just that the way the genders communicate is different.

In my case I'm learning to me more vocal about times when I am putting myself second in order to support my spouse (I do so willingly - just being vocal so I know he *sees* that I am making a sacrifice in that area and so he doesn't take it for granted / I don't resent him for that), and I am also learning to be OK with being more vocal and forceful in asking for what I need / asking him to put himself second at those times.  Which hasn't come easily for me as I am conflict averse, but it has been so valuable. and has really improved ou marriage dynamic.  Because I've learned that my husband really is serious when he says that he wants me to be happy and will support me in that - he just needs me to be very clear and forthright about what will actually accomplish that.[/quote]

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