Reply to Mother in law forces my son to give hugs and kisses.

Forum Index » Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers

Reply to "Mother in law forces my son to give hugs and kisses."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok... to the people who are saying this is about consent and bodily autonomy, yes, that is EXTREMELY important, but we have to recognize that OP's MIL is not some acquaintance or stranger, she's grandma.  I think a lot of people on this board are willing to sacrifice relationships with their MILs for the sake of principles like these, and yes, it is very important to stick with your principles in parenting, but it is also very important to care about relationships and other people's feelings.

OP can very gently suggest to MIL, "Larla, you don't have to worry, give it a few minutes and little Larlo will come to you," and out of sight of MIL she can tell Larlo "You don't have to ever hug someone if you don't want to, but Grandma loves you very much, and that is why she wants hugs and kisses."  That's it, that's all I would do, and I would otherwise stay out of it.  I cannot see OP handling this in any other way that would not hurt MIL's feelings or blow up in OP's face.

I personally never make my kids hug anyone, if someone wants their affection I tell them "give them a few minutes and they'll warm up to you."  When someone gives my child a hug or kiss they don't want they both scream bloody murder, and no toy on this planet will make them hug someone they don't want to hug, but they're both wired that way.[/quote]

So what you are saying is that when an adult is trying to coerce your child into physical affection, within your child's hearing you reassure the adult that the child will provide said affection in a little while ad just be patient?

It's not the child's obligation to "warm up" to anyone.  [b]You are undermining your child's autonomy by reassuring the adult and telling them to wait.  [/b]

I teach my son to politely greet greats and be friendly by making eye contact and saying "hello."  That is kind and polite.  Anything else is up to him.  And it turns out that he's very affectionate and loving, as OP's child is.  But he can pick up on uncomfortable pressure and he knows when he doesn't want to be close to someone.  I don't push him if someone is so immature that they try coerce him.[/quote]

I am telling OP what I would do in her situation.  I think a lot of the pps who are agreeing with her are actually not offering any suggestions for how to handle the situation.  Isn't that interesting?

I understand the concerns of the pps, but quite frankly, think they are overblown.  Not every interaction a child has is some sort of life-altering event.  OP's child is not going to give in to pressure from someone in college to have sex just because he hugged grandma as a child.  Do you guys not realize how insane that sounds?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics