Reply to Mother in law forces my son to give hugs and kisses.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hello from the future (I have teens).

OP, you are right. This is NOT COOL.

Yes, you should say something. No, it won't help your relationship with your MIL.

Kids need to know and learnt that they are in charge of their bodies, and they need models of healthy relationship behaviors. Emotional blackmail, at any age, isn't something that we should ever teach our kids is OK. If your MIL is crying about it, she has more issues than you can fix. Back your DS up. Stand up for him. And, when he's old enough, you may have to explain that just because someone loves you doesn't mean they are good for you. (My kid has, it now turns out, a mentally ill grandparent who, if unchecked, would have done a number on his head). [/quote]

As another mom of teens I wohld have to disagree with you on a few points.

I suspect from her comments about her son being happy to give affection to "her" parents that OP has very consciously or unconscious created this issue by purposefully or without realizing it creating a power struggle between whether her mom or MIL is the favored grandparent.

Kids aren't stupid and they can easily pick up on who mom wants them to be affectionate towards and who mom wants to keep at arms length

If MIL is crying about this it is probably because she believes on some level that OP is working to drive a wedge between her and her grandkids and she is hurt and disappointed thay OP has tried to create a distant relationship between her and the grandkid she loves.

Be honest ladies. Look objectively at you and your friends relationships with their husband's moms.

This behavior and power struggle happens all the time, and very few DILs are innocent parties.

Don't do this OP. Worl just as hard to create a close and loving relationship between your son and your husband's mom as you would want for you and your son's future children.

Some day you will have a DIL and grandchildren of your own...[/quote]

No.  There is no grey area in what OP described.  MIL blackmails child for physical affection with toys at EVERY visit.  MIL points, manipulates, even cries in front of child.  This is not about a DIL setting up an unequal dynamic.  This is about a troubled, needy, emotionally manipulative adult who has no idea how sick she is being or doesn't care.

My own mother was like this in smaller doses...not with the bribery attempts but with pointing and whining and play-crying if she didn't get sufficient physical affection.  I had to be very blunt in telling her that her behavior was not okay and that she would either act differently or get much less time with us.

There are HUGE red flags in OP's post.  Her child has great instincts and she is right to honor them and protect him.  She should absolutely tell MIL to stop this behavior.  [/quote]

Sorry but you are reading to much into this and being a little crazy.  The truth os probably somewhere in the middle. Grandma is not trying to groom her grandson so she can molest him.

This is less about child molestations and boundaries and far more about DIL/MIL dynamics and power struggles.[/quote]

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