Reply to Surprised to find that my kid is the problem student, not sure how to improve

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Couple things:

1. The teacher's conduct is absolutely inappropriate. That doesn't mean your daughter ISN'T a problem student or that her behavior at school isn't an issue, but the teacher should NOT be posting about any of her students on social media, especially by name.

2. I would arrange a sit down with the principal to discuss the teacher's posting and how it will be handled and to request that your DD not be in that class.

3. At that meeting, you need to ask for an honest accounting of her behavior at school and what other teachers have reported in order for this to be coming up. There probably is something to it, your daughter is of course not going to know what it is because 13 year olds aren't very self aware.

4. [b]You should not have shown your daughter the posting. That was terrible of you.[/b][/quote]

Thank you for your thoughts and I agree with the first three points you have made. But for the fourth comment, I am surprised to see this keep being mentioned. Why would I hide something like this from her, that I know some of her friends have already seen and the only reason she didn't see it is because I was really strict about not getting her a Facebook account until the first grading period after she is 13? It is unfortunate but now that something was said about her in public she already has the reputation. To know what people are saying about you and if there are any scandals or rumors is in my opinion the only way to be prepared to handle the situation. This way she knows to be very careful around that teacher and also is not blindsided if anyone of her peers says something to her about it.

Would it really have been better of me to not let her know this was going on? My mother always told me any gossip or impressions about me when I was growing up so that I could change my behavior to mitigate the damage and so that I would not react like I was shocked if any of the girls made fun of me for anything. Perhaps this, too, is a wrong approach that I need to reconsider?[/quote]

Assuming you are for real and not a troll (I have serious doubts), I think it's a bad idea to pass on hurtful gossip to kids about them with the idea that shaming them will make them change. I think that leads to a kid who will learn to care far more about what other people think about her than to evaluate the situation and use her own judgment. You want a child who has good judgment on her own, and who knows the difference between right and wrong, not the difference between "this will get me talked about" and "this won't get me talked about." This case is a good example: even if your kid was difficult, what the teacher did is far more egregious. Of the two offenses (being a possibly challenging student versus posting about a student on social media), the latter is far, far worse. By focusing on passing on the gossip, you're essentially validating the teacher's actions. What the teacher did here was outright, full-stop wrong and needs to be reported to authority figures at the school (and your daughter needs to learn that it was absolutely a wrong thing to do), not used primarily as a source of shame to a middle schooler. [/quote]

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