Reply to Relationships between grandparents and SN kids- quick poll

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[quote=Anonymous]My mother tries hard and mostly does very well.  She takes DC to therapies and doesn't really understand the larger scale impacts of my kid's challenges with low tone, motor planning and sensory processing.  She thinks they're the same thing as having a hard time doing a sit up or being overwhelmed in a shopping mall.

I think she tries to minimize things and relate, but it comes off as being kind of insulting.  That said, where it counts, she comes through.  She understands that certain things are harder for DC than other kids.  She understands that DC is more easily injured because of her limitations.  And she is matter of fact about it and doesn't act like it's anything out of the ordinary.

In comparison, the other grandmother engages in A LOT of magical thinking -- that it's just going to get better or that the grandchild with autism or the one with food allergies will just magically get over it one day.  Her inability to face the very real day to day impacts of her grandchildren's differences make it difficult for me to trust her with DC if I'm not there.  Not because she'll be willfully cruel, but because she is so far into denial as to not understand the unique needs of each of the kids.

But both grandmothers are loving and enjoy playing with their grandchildren.  The grandfathers... well they don't get it at all because the kids don't fit in their molds.  To me, then, it becomes about expectations.  Despite what one grandmother thinks, it's probably not safe for that grandchild to be alone with her because she isn't capable of dealing with the food allergies or behavioral or physical limitations.  I can't expect that to be a safe situation, so I have to decide how to mitigate it.[/quote]

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