Reply to Relationships between grandparents and SN kids- quick poll

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[quote=Anonymous]

8:54 - We, too, have grown children, and our youngest is out-of-school and resides with us.  My parents are both 94 now and I will say we just had a family gathering while on vacation in Massachusetts with seven siblings, many of the 20 grandchildren (between ages 14-39) and the four great-grandchildren (our grandchildren), and I will say that my folks have always been accepting of the youngest.  It was a complete surprise, and while educated, they probably did think that we could have done more on the speech.  However, my Mother came to sit a couple of times while we took a vacation or they watched all three a few times over the years on our annual summer visit so that we might get away for a night or two.  I think you need to remember that the older generation did not have the exposure in their early lives to individuals with disabilities and really just might now know how to react or think doing nothing or saying nothing is better for the parent then saying the wrong thing.

I think once out of school, it is important to maintain one's own life as an individual and couple, too, and find appropriate supports for the young adult to be able to work, volunteer or participate in an adult program that one would enjoy.  If this is not possible due to the disability or the area one lives in, I would really encourage you to look for a college aged student to go on outings with an adult child.  It is much easier in my experience if one does have a daughter, and you will find the age difference really does not matter much if you recruit the right student.  Once you find one, it is often easy to get the next student via a sorority, service group, Christian group etc. list.serve with a posting.  Our daughter continues to enjoy weekly outings with a student, and they find out a lot about the community in which they have gone to school, but never gone much beyond campus.  We pay an hourly amount and all activity fees, but balance out ones which cost with those that are free.  If you do have opportunities for respite use them so that you and DH can also get away and do things together, too.

I will say I am glad that I do not live too close to my parents as they age because I have always felt my first responsibility long-term would be for our daughter and knew that I had siblings who would be in the area to help my parents more directly.  I would say it is important to consider Long Term Care Insurance so that as health issues might come up with one of you, one would get the supports or services in place early before something small went major and you had one looking after two adults needlessly.  In our state we are one of I believe 10,000 on the waiting list for waiver support.  The criteria is "level of criticality," which I equate to "level of calamity" and while long-term support for a full lifestyle for DD would be welcomes, not at the family cost of crisis...

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