Reply to So I'm I being too picky...I don't want to date a man with a child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For someone who matried a man with kids - you are absolutely right! I live with regret daily [/quote]

Really? I mean I get it can be hard, I am a stepkid.

I came here to say that I get it OP but that every marriage and every life you choose is going to have difficulties and you rarely fall in love with some perfect person that fit all your preconceived notions. If you really don't think you could handle embracing stepchildren as your own though you shouldn't do it.

Like this PP here. This is so hurtful. My stepdad would have said that having me (and my mom) in his life was worth every hardship that co-parenting brought. My stepmom, maybe a little less than that. But at the end of the day every life and every family has its own issues, thinking you can create some perfect box...if you life with regret daily then there is something wrong with your husband PP. [/quote]

I'm the PP who wrote this and it has absolutely nothing to do with the stepchild and everything to do with my DH. The regret that I have is that I chose to have kids with my DH too soon and now I can't leave. He is a bullshit parent - which was easy to miss b/c I only saw him interact with step-DS on his weekends where everything was fun. When he got to be a teenager and DH would say things like "I don't want to punish him for X because he'll be mad at me and we won't have a fun visit" or he would discipline our kids for things that he let slide with step-DS...this is when I got to see the real him. He is a weak man.

Maybe it could have happened even if he had no kids but then I could step in and discipline without being told that I am overstepping my boundaries. As a step parent you have no choice but to sit back - you have no authority. Not a problem when things are going great but when you have a child testing boundaries, you need both parents on the same page. And it is at the point where step-DS own mother has put him out so I don't have a choice. I have a DH who won't discipline but gives step-DS money instead, an ex-wife who I'd like to co-parent with but she's so done with her own kid that she doesn't even want to live with the child, and a step-DS who barely acknowledges me in my own house. So yeah - if I could go back in time I would never marry someone with kids. All the love in the world isn't worth being stressed out in your own home.[/quote]

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