Reply to How did you work towards having a good co-parenting relationship with your ex?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why did you guys have kids with such monumental fuck ups?[/quote]

Fuckups don't generally wear a sign. And "FYI, I'm going to suck at that thing you'd like to do someday" isn't a conversation most of them will have with you while dating.

Clearly you, being perfect, found an equally perfect spouse to play glass house with. [/quote]

I'm not perfect, nor is my spouse. It's just amazing to me that these men could be *this shitty* and nobody noticed until kids were already here. Generally, when people suck you can tell before you procreate with them. I get that these women regret these are their kids' dad but pointing out all the ways in which these men are basically incompetent at life really makes you wonder how anyone thought them a good candidate for parenting with. [/quote]

Well, the thing they turned out to be incompetent about wasn't a factor.  I mean, how would I know how DH would react to a baby, when we never had one before?  We met and dated in an environment where there were no children around to interact with, and even when there were, it was only for a short time.  My DH is very competent at his job, but raising kids, not so much.

Also, users and abusers typically wait to reveal their worst selves until you are tied down in the relationship with them.  These types can woo you for years, but don't really crank up the use/abuse until your options to respond and escape are more limited. [/quote]

Exactly this!
Sociopaths are good at fooling people. My ex "loves kids". He just loses it if they cry because he played too rough. Or need something that can't wait like a poopy diaper change. Or distract him from Internet porn. The list of unreasonable kid behavior goes on.
Also, "loving kids" and playing well with them for a few hours is not evidence you'll be a good parent. If it was, teen baby sitters would be ready to be parents. But society sets a low bar for men when it comes to child care. Anything not openly neglectful or abusive is often lauded as excellent if it's done by a father. I'm seeing more daddy bloggers fight back against this because they really are going above and beyond the call of duty, while their buddies are giving the toddler a vendor hot dog so they can stare at their phones in peace or flirt with the Au pair. [/quote]

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