Reply to If you are married or in a long-term partnership and you die

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would hope my wife would find companionship and love ASAP if I was dead.  Sex and love are essential for the human soul. I am shocked how many people want their widows to live a life of lonliness.

You don't really love your spouse if you feel that way.[/quote]

Not one person here has said that a widowed spouse does not deserve companionship.

But rushing into a marriage simply to be married and dumping or cutting off your children is wrong. So is rushingninto a marriage in the first few montys after your spouse dying, especially if it cuts off you children's chance to grieve normally.

I am one of the posters with a father who quickly picked a mean, selfish and vindictive woman immediately after our mom's death.

I am also the poster who suggested waiting until the grave stone can be placed. That one year window is based on practicality (the ground needs to settle for one year) but it also serves a logical emotional milestone. The gravestone being placed gives some closure to tye immediate loss and grief. It also is a long enough window to get the children through the improtant events of the first year, like Christmas, mother's day and birthdays.

The first thing about our mother dying unexpectedly was that because of our father rushing into a new marriage and new life just months after she died, we ended up losing both of our parents and our entire family identity and structure, not hecause of the death but because of who our father chose to put the nails on the coffin. One parent died. The other parent chose to detroy what was oeft of our family, and picked a woman who was a gleeful accomplice.  Grieving that decision by him was harder than grieving the loss of our wonderful mother.

And this is not uncommon. Speak to people who have lost their moms to death. This happens over and over by husbands and fathers.[/quote]

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