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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Fiance oblivious to his son's issues"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd think titling it that my fiance is oblivious would indicate I do not think he's the perfect dad. He asked one time to borrow the birth certificate and ss card for about 8 hours (when he came over on a Sunday) so he could make copies. I did not realize that was overly onerous and sexist. I never suggested going to court to get a court order to have her tell us about every doctor appointment. What I have suggested to him is document all the times she has been uncooperative, refused to let him see him, the school issues, etc. She chose this school in a different county than the one she lives in (she used a family member's address) and is under performing compared to the one he should've attended, because she "wants him to go to school there." Verbatim, the reason gave when asked. There are no special services being offered there. And he gets good grades. So if there are, then they certainly wouldn't go to him, when half the school is free/reduced lunch and ESL. When my fiance said that he would sign him up for school where we live and he can stay with us M-F and we can make sure he gets to/from school on time, she declined. But if this is the resistance I'm getting from strangers online, than I am certainly not going to push the issue with him. Maybe another family member will say something next time we are at a family function.[/quote] Yes, but do you realize you are also not the perfect stepmom? Also realize that if you split it up, he will bad mouth you and make you out to be the crazy one just like he is doing with his ex. There could be many reasons she choose that school that she simply didn't tell you about. Also, if your fiance was that checked out that he didn't bother to have any of the school info until this year, how can you really believe him when he says that his ex doesn't get therapy or services for her son? He doesn't seem to know much of anything that is going on with his kid. How nice of you to pass judgement on the mom who is trying to wrangle three kids out of the house in the morning. You might be surprised to know that it's not always the most easy task.[/quote] Never claimed to be the perfect stepmom. He didn't badmouth her. In fact, he went out of the way to talk kindly about her, which I think is why he is now embarrassed that all this stuff is coming out about school and how she has acted towards me and the behavior shift towards him and being uncooperative. I think it's also why he assumed she had everything together, as far as the kids go. You can believe me or not, but she sends him there just because she wants to. She will tell you that. The son will tell you. Her older son (different dad) who also goes to school out of district will tell you. Her fiance will tell you. And the youngest (with biomom and fiance) isn't in school yet. They all live together. The oldest is in high school and can get himself dressed and ready. He doesn't have any of the same issues as my fiance's son. I know this because he will sometimes spend time at our house since he doesn't have a relationship with his bio-father and spends most of his time with his grandma and fiance doesn't like when he goes and only picks up just his son all the time if the older one is there. And her fiance is there to help with the youngest. She is not a struggling single mother living by herself with no help and 3 little kids. His son isn't a liar. He does not have one ill-intentioned bone in his body. Anytime he does or says something that is hurtful he does not intend to hurt them. And he shares information freely. (too freely in public) If he were seeing a therapist, or having counseling, we'd know. That's how we found out about the meeting with the principal, he told us because it was something new that happened in school that week.[/quote]
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