Reply to Has anyone successfully stayed married just for the kids? Is this a good idea?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Has anyone successfully stayed married just for the kids? Is this a good idea?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The only way you can do this is if you stop fighting.

And if you stop fighting, who know, maybe your relationship will change.

So the net time something pops up that bugs you, let it go.  Just let it go.  Don't fight.  It takes two people to fight.  Start disengaging.  You are thinking of divorcing.  So why does it matter?  Whatever petty thing you are fighting about, why does it matter?

if nothing else, starting to disengage now - letting go of frustration, anger, expectations - will help you as you divorce, because if nothing else you want an amicable divorce.

So just start today.  No more fighting.  he doesn't do something he said he would?  Oh well, you knew he wouldn't, so why get upset?  Just suck it up and do it yourself.  He comes at you about something you did/didn't do?  Who cares?  Let it go.

Try it for one week.  See how that changes things.  [/quote]

The only problem with this is the disengagement, and the caring is gone. It is how I ended up where I ended up.[/quote]

I was the PP who suggested this.  I think de-escalating and disengaging will go one of two ways.  You might discover that without the fighting, there's nothing holding you together, and disengaging is easy and you rally you are done.  Sounds like that happened to you.  On the other hand, by de-escalating into a fight, you might find your partner relaxes, and then you relax, and it becomes easier and easier to not fight, and the tallows some room for feelings or positive emotions to come back in - if you're open to it.

I was struck by the OP saying she didn't want counseling because she didn't want to do it.  But maybe just de-escalating the situation-  breaking the cycle of repeated fighting - might shake things up enough that you realize there's something there.  Or, maybe you realize there's nothing there.  Either way, there's less fighting around the kids and that's a good thing.  And if it leads to divorce, maybe it's a peaceful divorce?

Worth trying?  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics