Reply to Fiance oblivious to his son's issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is that even legal: sharing information only with one parent? You keep saying she keeps school and Dr information to herself. Why can't the dad sign up for all grade books/ student accts/ and school emails. All of our school forms ask for info on both parents. He can absolutely do that.

As for Dr, I don't know but maybe a court order that anytime son at Drs. For anything g parent has to be asked to attend or given date and can then call the office for an update.

I'm just thinking out loud about these things but should be really easy to resolve - especially the school stuff.[/quote]

He went up to the school and asked. She didn't put down his address, just his name. So he added his address. He was put on the email list, but was left off of mailings.  I'm sure it wasn't intentional, just a breakdown in the front office I assume. 
[/quote]

OP, your assumptions are very sexist.  It is not bioMom's obligation to provide this.  Schools serve the parents that show up at school and demonstrate an interest in their kids academic life.  Your DH has the ability to go to school every year, ask for a copy of son's schedule, make sure all forms and teachers have Dad's info, etc.   Your DH can contact the school and find out about Back to School night, Open House, etc., and meet son's teachers, etc.  Unless bioMom is somehow also keeping where kids go to school secret, your DH should be taking care of this directly himself.  BioMom is not his family life administrator or secretary.

Same with birth certificate and social security info.  If bioMom won't share, DH is perfectly capable of contacting the appropriate government offices and getting a duplicate birth certificate and Social security info.  Both parents have a right to this info and can get it directly.  Again, bioMom is not your DH's family life secretary.

This family administrative stuff takes time.  I no longer do it for my ex.   I can't tell you how many times he has called me asking for birth certificate and SS #s.  I have provided them repeatedly and he has them, but he is just too important to spend time keeping track of these items himself.  It is easier for him to call me and try to get me to do it.   These requests represent uncompensated work that takes time away from my effort to earn income and the time that I have to build my own relationship with my children.  i don't do them any longer.  Now, when ex asks, I say, "I gave that to you already.  You should have it in your files."  or "Search your email, I emailed you those numbers last year."  or "Ask your HR person.  I gave you those numbers last year when you asked for them for your HR forms."  He is responsible for figuring these things out, not me.

Also, re: the doctor -- so what if bioMom doesn't give you doctor info.?  If DH is so concerned about having kid seen by a doctor, DH can take son himself.  I have never been to a doctor's office where the doctor refused to see my child because I didn't have a permission slip from ex-spouse.  Also, in all the psychiatrists and psychologists that my children have seen for assessment purposes for getting a disorder diagnosed and an IEP set up at school, I have only once been asked by a psychologist to have both parents sign the intake form giving permission for medical treatment or assessment.  So, again, you are blaming bioMom for not doing or sharing things that you can just do yourself directly.

Frankly, if you try to go to court to get a court order that bioMom has to tell you about every doctor's appointment, the court will be irritated that you are wasting valuable court time on something that DH can take care of directly.

Grow up.  Stop blaming bio Mom and seeing your DH as perfect Dad.  Stop thinking you are a better parent than bioParents.  Acknowledge that everyone is probably doing their best even if their best is not perfect.  Educate yourself.  Think about what positive, supportive contribution you can make. [/quote]

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