Reply to 3rd grade DD circle of friends excluded playdates

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"Forthright with adults" sounds like a euphemism for something that could be less pleasant to the adults on the receiving end of it. Personally I love a friendly, chatty, kid but draw the line at kids who act like they are on the level of adults, "correcting" the adult, opining on plans/food/other playdate stuff, trying to run the show themselves, or not listening to instructions. Make sure your kid isn't coming across as obnoxious. I don't mean this to be attacking at all, just offering a point of view.[/quote]

I am the PP who asked for an example.  But the OP didn't come back on it.  It could be that the kid is simply non-shy and articulate, or it could be that the kid is a big sass mouth with an attitude and the OP is either oblivious to it or thinks it's a-OK. If it's the latter, that's the answer. Kids copy each other, and parents may not want a rude kid with a poor attitude in their house interacting with their child.[/quote]

Op here. This is food for thought. DD is perhaps to adult-talk prone-- she definitely feels like she can carry conversation with an adult. We are a pretty chill family, and include kids in most decisions though we do make it clear we set the rules. I guess we should teach her to keep quiet around other adults? She will just want to be part of an adult conversation, like if I am talking to DH about work she will ask about why so-so was being difficult to work with. I can imagine she interjects in other conversations at guest house.

So how do we culture this deference when we aren't there? Just telling probably won't do it because brash and very keen on justice. I don't think she is disrespectful but she will not be afraid to ask questions to someone's mom such as why they have a rule about no markers at the table or something that is different then ours.

Maybe we need to have more adult guests at our house and help her practice? Etiquette classes?[/quote]

I don't think you need to teach her not to talk to adults.  Teach her to always be polite, not to interrupt, and not to interject herself into a conversation that doesn't have anything to do with her.  It's one thing to talk to your parents as part of a general conversation around the dinner table; it's another to butt into a conversation that your friends' parents are having.  I certainly don't mind a chatty kid, as long as they aren't rude or know-it-all.  [/quote]

OP, I feel like you're using a lot of euphemisms to talk around this. What is "adult talk prone"? 
I also think you're playing dumb a bit when you ask if you should teach her to be quiet with other adults. This can't be a real question. You should teach her manners - they are the same for everybody, children and adults. Do you butt into people's conversations out of the blue? That's disrespectful and inappropriate. Do you question someone's house rules when you visit? As in "But why can't we bring our dog to your backyard BBQ?" "But why should we take our shoes off?"  Manners and civility are the same for everybody unless you're Maugli raised by animals in the forest.  There is not "cultivate culture difference" here.  There is "acting civilized", that's all.
[/quote]

Well I don't know how she is with other adults, I just know she likes to be interested in ur conversations about office politics, looking for jobs, and home renovation and costs.  We don't intend to include her but she hears us talking about our day.  She obviously ask us about our rules, but generally in an inquisitive way than defiance, she is actually generally obedient but may want explanation or try negotiation before complying. I wonder if she does that just with us as parents or other adults.

And honestly even as an adult, it can be tricky to navigate joining a conversation and butting in, like at any social gathering.  But we definitely aren't raising kids to the 'seen but not heard' standard, so perhaps we should?[/quote]

If you are proud of her potential lack of manners, then carry on. DCUM doesn't care one way or another, but you seem to be miffed about no invitations. So that's for you to ponder. Are all those friends of hers "seen not heard"?  That's your answer.[/quote]

Wasn't meant as a dig at 'seen not heard' just tying to make sure she isn't silenced like many girls are; I think folks are more tolerant of boys being boys and rowdy and loud. But is that the expectation for most parents of girls, that they want them to act like traditional little girls? Yes her friends are on the quiet side, now that I think about it. I'm not 'proud' if she is being rude, but can you understand we are trying to encourage her to be able to speak her mind? [b]You know Sheryl Sandbergs 'girls are ok as bossy' message, that's where we fall on the spectrum. Is this not mainstream by now?[/b][/quote]

Stop it.  No one wants to be bossed around by your 8 year old.  No one wants to be questioned about their house rules by your 8 year old.  No one wants to debate the pros and cons of home renovations with your 8 year old when she is supposed to be in the playroom playing with the other kids.   Sheesh.[/quote]m
We came in asking if it might be us or our kid, and the consensus is that it is us and we are asking for how to navigate raising a strong DD, and asking for guidance. Why the hate? [/quote]

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