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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]First, I commend you on trying. Someone needs to tell you that you are already... HAVE already... been doing a lot. It takes a lot of work to stay and try to make it right again. So good job.

Second, it's only been 4 months. You're in a hellish place, my friend, and 4 months is very little time actually. It's perfectly normal for you to be boiling with rage or completely depressed over this. Seriously. Give yourself a break.

From my own experience, and the stories of many others, and my therapist's own words, it seems like it takes about a year to get off the ledge. And then at least another 4-6 months after that to actually notice the next step. And another 6 months to functioning intimacy and regained trust. Basically 2 years.  Hang in there.[/quote]

[b]
Do you think this is true for both physical and emotional affairs[/b]?  I am a DW and I am having a lot of trouble moving past my husband's emotional affair.  Mainly because he won't take any responsibility for doing something inappropriate.  It's been 7 months since I found out.[/quote]

A physical affair can be a drunken one-night stand but an emotional affair takes a lot of time, energy and emotion. So yes, I can see why you're having trouble moving past this. How long was your husband's EA?  Did he say "we're just friends" or did he admit some feelings for her?   Did he break it off?[/quote]

I wanted to reply to DW above about moving past husband's emotional affair.  I agree with the response that it takes much time and energy, and it takes it away from the primary relationship!  I wanted her to know that I have experienced the exact same thing.  My husband said, after I discovered what was going on  1) "We're Just Friends," 2) "I didn't mean to hurt you' 3)"I didn't think this would be such a problem" (!!!!really?).  It has now been four years since discovery.  Before that was over 2 years of suspicion.   I have gone to counseling for over a year now by myself, to someone who specializes in this.  Nothing physical happened but he essentially fell in love with her.   After discovery, he continued to work with her for two more years.  That was very hard.   I was pretty much crying every day all day.   He made no effort to have me visit his workplace or meet her.   During this period of time, she Married and Divorced !  I feel it was because my husband was treating her better than her own husband.
I secretly got into his email because he would not share it.  I discovered his password and downloaded all their correspondence for 6 years !    I compiled it into a pdf and when I start to forget, I re-read it and get mad all over again.  From the exchanges you can see the affair building up, then discovery, and then two more years of winding down.   Now he doesn't see her or interact anymore with her.    But I am permanently suspicious.

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