Reply to How to deal with the sting of infidelity

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Men rarely can get over infidelity. Break up. [/quote]

And this is my fault?[/quote]

???

There is no point in assigning blame now. What's done is done. My point is males tend to be more possessive than females in general. If you're a manly man (as opposed to some gutless wonder), it will be very difficult for you to get over the thoughts of your wife and another male. When I say very difficult, I'm being generous. More like next to impossible. [b]What happened is bound to be part of your and your wife's relationship forever[/b]. It sucks, no matter who's at fault. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.[/quote]

This is true whether it's the man or the woman who cheats. [b]It becomes [u]part [/u]of your history[/b]. The question is whether you as a couple can work through the problems that led to that point or not. And whether both parties want to try.[/quote]

It is a part but it can be a small part. Right now, 4 months in ... it is a huge part.

But, depending on how long you have been together, it is a small part. Are you going to really replace every happy memory with this .... momentary lapse of reason (if it is). If it is more than a momentary lapse of reason... there is lots of work FOR YOUR WIFE TO DO. This is not about you.

Your wife is not the woman you thought she was, and now you need to find out if you want to stay with her, with her flaws (minus affairs hopefully).

1st: you wife needs therapy, she needs to understand why she deals with disappointment and the stress of life with affairs, and then you need to decide if she is your future.

then... if you decide she is part of your future you need to do just that, build a new future. Right now your vision of the future is shattered, you don't know what your future looks like... right now it includes possibly divorce, possibly unhappy marriage, possibly more affairs, .... but if your future included your wife becoming a person you can love and respect and raising you child in a stable loving home... it is worth the gamble (IMHO).

It's 4 months in... you don't have to say 100% I am staying, you can say, I will stay right now if you are committed to understanding why you did this and are committed to healing the pain you caused.

Then in 6 months reevaluate. Then a year later, reevaluated again.

[/quote]

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