Reply to This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So bio mom gets to decide exactly how her money will be spent after she dies, on what is essentially a luxury item. It necessary for raising her daughter.  Meanwhile, the dad and stepmom are still required to actually raise the child, to pay for food, provide her a nice living space, drive her places, and do all that parents do every day.  I find it really indulgent and self centered for a parent to provide a luxury good to their child, and to leave it to other (any stepparent a included) to actually do the heavy lifting of parenting and to pay for it.  Also, I'm really doubting the daughter is the actual beneficiary on the insurance policy.  I'd guess the father is, and that he is now informing his wife that the funds are restricted due to what his first wife would have wanted.  Guess the first wife would not have wanted a roof over her daughter's head or food on the table, just the luxury of private school.  Think if it this way, the step mom's contributions in time and money in raising and providing for her stepdaughter may well be far in excess to the money she and the dad would need to upgrade homes to a good school district.  but let's just be sure that girl gets to continue in private school, because that's really the only important thing.  [/quote]

Okay stepmom.

We understand that you think marrying into an established family means you think your wants and comforts override any agreements or plans that the father and originsl mother had for their children, that the original wife's money is now yours (and eventually your own children's) right to have and spend as you see fit, and that your want of a luxurious house trumps the NEED of the original kids for stability following their mom's death and planned for and agreed upon by both their parents.

But your arguments only show that you have a greed problem and an ethics deficiency.

In a case like this (life insurance/inheritance from dead mom) it is crystal clear that you have zero claims to this money, not even a dime.  To insist otherwise is just selfish.

There is no gray area when it comes to this situation.[/quote]

So when the father married his second wife, she became a Mira pended there to assist him and support him with his and his deceased wife's plans. The stepmother is clearly only joining someone else's family, and is not an Intercal part of the family in her own right. Is that it?  I wonder if the father told the stepmom this before she agreed to marry him?   That she should feel lucky to be there, but it is an absolute privilege, yes, a privilege, to have the joy of all joys of living in a home where you are a second-class citizen but expected to raise another person's child. But of course to love her as though she were your own, though it is made clear to you at every turn that you have no rights, particularly if you disagree with a dead woman's wishes.   I'm not in anyway saying that the stepmom has a priority over her partner husband and how finances are spent.  What I am saying is that it is understandable for one of the two adults in a marriage to feel she should have an equal say when she has been asked to [b]take on the burden, yes it's a burden, of raising someone else's child.[/b]  So many posters here act as though it is a gift to stepparents to have children around. Well, it's not.  It's hard. Just like parenting your own children.    And if the father expected that his new wife would always play second fiddle to a dead woman, he better have told her that from the start.  Because, really, who would sign up for that shit. [/quote]

Then make your own damn family from scratch. You're an asshole of the first degree. You marry someone with kids, and you will always (as you should) come second. Don't like it? Find another dick to hop on. You are the dummy for not realizing that this is how it is. Second wives are SECOND. [/quote]

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