Reply to Would you date guy who grew up in foster care?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.
This kind of blew up since last night!

I'll try to answer everyone.

He didn't start our 2nd date by saying  he needed to tell me something, and I didn't push him for information.
I asked a very casual question and that led to talking about families and such and he mentioned  growing up in foster care.
Beyond knowing he went in at 6 and was never adopted I don't know any details.
I also don't think the details are my business at this point.

On the surface, from what you can know of someone you met online and after 2  dates, he's a very sweet guy and seems to have his life together. To me he seems more mature than 26 , not that maturity is a bad thing in a guy.
[b]I guess is my worry I have a habit of picking guys with baggage that ends in nothing but relationship drama.[/b]
So, when he told me that my mind went immediately to "oh no  not again!"
I want to give it a chance, but I don't want to get caught up with someone who is not healthy again.[/quote]

It's hard to say about the new guy.  Because, think about it the others had "lots of baggage" and it wasn't like every single one had been in foster care.  I think you have to dig deeper to find the pattern with the guys with relationship drama.  Were you trying to be a fixer and that is what they were looking for so that was the relationship pattern?  Did they refuse to seek outside help or even admit that there was a problem and you were trying to change someone that didn't want to be changed?  Were you picking someone that was emotionally unavailable because they were still hung up on an ex, not wanting to settle down etc, because either really didn't want to get hurt by getting in too deep or get off on the challenge?  There is a part you own. It's the why of who you pick, why you stay, and how you allow them to treat you within the relationship/what patterns of communication you have.  Everyone has issues of some sort.  Isn't the saying it is how you overcome them that is the true measure.  The whole baggage thing is so subjective.  This guy could say you have baggage because of all the failed relationships.  Someone else could think it would be baggage if you had all these long term relationships that you are  likely to be hung up on the ex of have commitment issues.  I don't think baggage should be the screening criteria unless you have more specifics and understand what else was your part to those relationships beyond going out on a date with a guy that didn't have a picture perfect past.

So I think you have to see how things go and use the normal relationship checkpoints. How does this person treat you? How do they treat others?.  Anything seem off/make you uncomfortable about this person? Do you have similar values?  Do you have chemistry?   Is this person actively in the middle of something major and isn't willing to help themselves?  Is this person in the middle of something major and is willing to help themselves but you don't see yourself having a future with this person for whatever reason to want to stand by him/her In a romantic capacity?  Does this person try to always avoid conflict?  There are so many people that can look good "on paper" and not be a good match.  There are also people that on the surface wouldn't have been who someone would match you to, but turn out to be a great match.
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