Reply to Step mother starting a huge inappropriate fight and is unlikely to apologize, where do I go from her

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Reply to "Step mother starting a huge inappropriate fight and is unlikely to apologize, where do I go from her"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, that really sucks.  I have a family with similar dynamics.  Dad and Stepmom occasionally like to bring up shit my mom (supposedly) did years ago.  Some of it's true, some of it is not.  Any discussion of it annoys me because it's not relevant anymore.

I think for the present, you need to decide what kind of relationship you want with your Dad and Stepmom moving forward.  If you want to smooth things over and rebuild the relationship, then I think you apologize for the situation and leave it at that.  If they insist that you apologize in a different way or put conditions on what you need to do to gain the relationship back -- I'd think twice about having a close familial relationship with them.  Don't smooth it over just for your kids -- do what is best for you.

For the future, if any of your parents starts talking about the past and tries to suck you in, please feel free to try the tactics I use on my own parents:

1) Blank stare, silence, change topic.
2) "Well, I was only 5 years old at that time, so I don't know the details and at this point, it's irrelevant to me." Change topic.
3) "I'm sure everyone did the best they could given the time and maturity level."  This one is handy because all of my parents acted like jerks at some point and involved me.  Makes them feel guilty and shuts them up.

I do have one rule that I am unbending on.  None of my parents are to talk shit about my other parents to my children.  I absolutely will not have it.  They will not bring their crazy on to my children.

Good luck OP.[/quote]

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