Reply to Step mother starting a huge inappropriate fight and is unlikely to apologize, where do I go from her

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hate how all the advice is "shouldn't have talked about it."  Bunch of anal retentive WASPs dishing out advice on how nothing in the family should be talked about?  How about instead of having certain subjects be off limits, instead the rule should be All adults should act like adults, and not throw fits.  It's about a 30 year divorce.  There should be no tantrums.  If Op is telling the whole truth, then Stepmom is crazy pants.  No reasoning or apologizing to crazy pant people unless you need to continue brown nosing for an inheritance or access to the vacay home.  If it is the latter then you need to ask yourself is it worth it? As far as divorce goes who cares - OP didn't seem affected.  It's Stepmom and Dad who went off the deep end.  Issues much?  Why did they care so much what Op thinks on this issue?  OP sometimes you're just stuck with relatives that stink; consider whether it is worth your time pursuing a relationship (and forcing yourself to apologize when you aren't at fault) with nuts like them.  I wouldn't but many would.  [/quote]

It was THIRTY years ago. The truth is probably between both parties in the divorce. People are saying not to discuss it because at this point, IT ISN'T WORTH IT. What did anyone gain from the conversation? I'll wait.

And don't give me any bullshit like OP gained knowledge of her dad and stepmom's true colors. What was positive about this? [/quote]

Who says someone has to gain something?  Do you require all your conversations produce a net positive return on your life?  Cut the sunshine bullshit.  People have conversations about stupid shit all the time.  So they talked about the divorce - so what?  Adults have these conversations.  OP went home having contributed her opinion only to have wacko SM and Dad go nuclear.  Even if OP was factually incorrect, SM and dad are still showing their crazy colors.  People are blaming The conversation having happened in the first place and not where it belongs - with the people immature and insane enough to lose their shit over something that happened thirty years ago.  Her relatives are nuts.  She should limit contact with crazy people.  There it is.[/quote]

But why discuss the divorce?  30 years later?  [b]I think her stepmother is crazy as hell [/b]and had some sort of ulterior motive.  What good does it do anyone and these folks have been married for longer than her parents were?

Sometimes you have to step back and look at the big picture - does it really matter 30 years later who did what?  If she wants a relationship with them (it sounds like it was good previously), she can apologize for her role in the fracas.  No, she didn't start the conversation and no, it wasn't her "fault".  But that is how children think - for OP, as an adult, she can apologize for her role in it (you know, helping to escalate the argument) to start repairing their relationship since that is what she wants.
  [/quote]

She CAN apologize and of course it is entirely up to her as to whether it is worth it to have a relationship with a bunch of 3 year old tantrum throwing idiots.  Like I said, maybe she will grovel so she can have access back to "her" vacation home.  "Why discuss the divorce?"  Why discuss anything?  It was just a conversation about something that happened.  Adults talk about stuff.  ***No one is arguing it matters what happened 30 years ago*** so take your straw man and shove it.  [/quote]

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