Reply to Found out that DH had gay sex many years ago

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[quote=Anonymous]It's not rank speculation. Anyone who has researched or knows anything about childhood sexual abuse knows that it very often can have profound effects on people's future relationships--on feelings of trust, on feelings of abandonment, all kinds of things.

No one is saying he is "broken." 
But someone revealing that they were raped as a child is a huge deal.

When I finally told my DH about the sexual abuse in my past that he did not know about, he did not say much. He just kind of left it there. He did not know how to respond.

It wasn't until years later, when I finally sought help for all kinds of relationship problems we were having, that I realized how totally inadequate his response had been and how it left me feeling further neglected and abandoned by the people who should have cared for me.

No one is saying you should be "suspicious" of your DH. But for the love of God, in your original post you just sort of glossed over that he'd been raped a child and talked about gay sex in his 20s. All the people here are saying is that childhood sexual abuse can be, and often is (again, depending on many, many features such as who did it, what happened, whether the person told and was believed or not, etc.) something that has profound effects throughout adulthood.

OP, you need to educate yourself. Read some books so you can become more sensitive and empathetic. I wish my spouse had. Because some of the things he did and said after I told him about my past were totally unacceptable and really hurtful to me. I only realized that later when I went to a therapist, told him, and my therapist reacted in a completely different way that did not minimize what had happened. I had "normalized" what had happened when it was actually really disturbing. I acted like it wasn't such a big deal, because that's how I got along for so many years. But it catches up to you. As a PP noted, for me it was having my own kids that really triggered a lot of the emotional effects. [/quote]

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