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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Who are all of these husbands concerned about the dishwasher?  So odd.[/quote]
Mine's an engineer and so it's all about how well he can load the darn thing.  He can have at it--but it's not odd to have men interested in the quality of how well dishes or their laundry are washed (mine also does his own laundry).

OP, if you're still reading, I'm the PP who described what your husband is doing as emotionally abusive.  I didn't mean to be too harsh on you, and I don't think it's fair to you.  The bottom line is this: you deserve to be treated with more respect for your autonomy than your husband is currently providing.  You are worth it.  Wishing you support.[/quote]

Thank you - I didn't take it as harsh and appreciate the kind words.  DH and I do have conflict and I'm never scared of him, but I'm worn down by him in a major way.  Over time, I've come to feel trapped in my own home.  His view is that everyone has things like this that they are particular about, but I'm tired of consulting and checking and asking to do things when I'm paying the mortgage!  It is made worse by the fact that we are in a small space with a shared car, which requires a certain level of consultation.[/quote]

You're welcome.  This situation sounds so tough.  Some people are particular about things, others really aren't (really).  My DH is more particular than me about most things, which we manage by compromise, him focusing on the things he really cares about (like his laundry, or loading the dishwasher), and me calling him on his crap, which he appreciates.

Your subjective sense of feeling trapped is real and worthy of attention.  I do think finding a good psychotherapist, just for you at this point, could be incredibly helpful.  You don't have to commit to years of navel-gazing at this point, instead think of it as a way to get yourself the autonomy you deserve.  Others have mentioned your husband may have OCD, and he may, but that still doesn't mean it's okay for you to feel so trapped and worn-down.  I struggled with depression for years and have largely learned a new way to be through intensive psychotherapy--but that was my responsibility to do.  Couples therapy can be useful, too, but for now, I'd prioritize getting some support for you.  Sending all the very best.[/quote]

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