Reply to How can I convince my husband to get a vasectomy?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How can I convince my husband to get a vasectomy?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So essentially no one has any advice save for the mandate to strong arm him like a friggin mob boss into doing as he's told - yeah sounds like the makings of a wonderful loving marriage.

We'll see you in a couple months OP when you're seeking advice about divorce.  Hopefully you'll get better feedback.[/quote]

It's not strong arming him. It's putting him in charge of the birth control. He has 3 choices he can make: condoms, snip or no sex. The choice is his. [/quote]

+1. I don't understand why men are so confused about this.

Birth control is a must. As a woman I have been in charge of BC for my entire life, time for the dude to step up. [/quote]

Here's what he's "confused" about:

He thinks the problem before him is: "Both my wife and I don't want to have another baby, so one of us should be on birth control. Therefore, we need to weigh whether her being on either a pill or IUD is better or worse than me getting a vasectomy." He is then reasoning that taking a pill or having an IUD inserted seems less intrusive than having a surgical procedure done.

Here are some things he does not think are relevant to the problem:

1. The fact that his wife had a c section: He very much recognizes this was traumatic and that he owes his wife big time. What he does not recognize is that it has any direct relevance to the problem framed above, which he views as "what is the least onerous way to make sure we don't have any additional babies going forward?"

2. The fact that his wife has had to deal with birth control for her whole life: He likely is also appreciative of this, but again, he thinks the pending question is "what is least difficult going forward."

3. The fact that it is unfair that women bear more responsibility for preventing pregnancies in our patriarchal society.

Now, these may well [i]be[/i] relevant factors to consider, but they're not what's in his head right now.

So what are OP's options?

OP could try denying sex. That would probably ultimately get the job done, but seems heavy handed, like it will cause resentment, and like it is cutting off one's nose to spite one's face. It seems to me the worst advice anyone has given so far.

OP could also try explaining that he [i]ought[/i] consider the fact that she's made substantial sacrifices in the past related to the family's reproductive needs, such as being on birth control and bearing his children, and that its only fair going forward that he shoulder more of the load. This approach seems way better than denying sex, and he might get it. But I still wouldn't say its the best first tactic because he doesn't intuitively relate the fact that she had a c section to how they should address the particular problem at hand. He might ultimately feel like he's being asked to make a major sacrifice as a sort of apology for his wife giving birth, and ultimately want OP to recognize that sacrifice.

Finally, OP could address the problem in the way DH is framing it in his own mind. She could say: (1) you're underestimating the inconvenience to me of having an IUD; I did before and it was painful; and (2) you've overestimating the downsides of a vasectomy, and educate him on it.

The last one seems clearly worth at least attempting, before considering the other options.

[/quote]

Ok so what happens if after #3 he still doesn't want to do it. Because I'm working under the assumption that the conversation that has happened between them leading up this point is more substantial than

wife: HAVE A VASECTOMY
husband: I DON'T WANNA

So if he staunchly refuses BC its just on the wife to come up with alternative birth control and continue to have sex despite literally none of her wishes being met in that scenario? Because in my world my husband understanding me and treating my wishes and desires and experiences as valid and important is a critical building block of our marriage. [/quote]

Like I said, I'd try the third option and then consider the second. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics