Reply to Stop it with 'gaslighting' and 'borderline'

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Exactly.  Every so often I encounter a story about a crazy relative and I immediately recognize it.  It's very recognizable.  I don't think anyone here is claiming that they are capable of making a DSM diagnosis or offering therapy.  It's just a very recognizable thing once you've been in the maw.  People who are really pissed about it are probably projecting ... [/quote]
I'm curious what it is that you recognize. Can you give specific examples with explanation why they are indicative of the BPD?[/quote]

PP with the borderline mil here.  Assuming your question is sincere, check out the book Stop Walking on Eggshells.  It's essentially the classic on dealing with BPD in the family - http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901

For my mil, one of the big recognizable things is the idea of "splitting". In her world, people are either all good or all bad.  My dh was the "good" one, his brother the "bad" one.  I was the "good" dil, my sil was the "bad" one.  Until I wasn't, of course.  Her reactions to everything are extreme.  She's never just miffed about something, she's furious about it.  No one makes an innocent mistake in her world - they are out to get her and take her down and are horrible, damaged people who will never change.  And they need help of course, but she is just fine and needs no help, thankyouverymuch.

Her house is a disordered mess.  I'm pretty sure her finances are a wreck too.  She divorced FIL late in life, retaining properties that they owned in exchange for any claim to any money they had (which wasn't much - FIL was a high earner who spent everything, he's his own story).  She proceeded to give the properties away to her kids, against legal and tax advice (this was before dh and I married).  Now she's left her last job and seems to need money.  Thankfully we have some and have give been able to give her some.   But these boundaries are fuzzy - she gives her property to her kids, but they have no idea what sort of retirement savings she has or what her accounts are.  She seems convinced she'll just die before the money runs out.   It's so different from my upbringing.  All I can do at this point is shake my head.[/quote]

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