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Reply to "My SIL makes family functions unbearable - I really need to vent."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your family needs to recognize your SIL has a mental illness.  Infertility may have been the trigger but it is not the cause.  The cause, actually, doesn't matter because you need to deal with the symptoms of her illness just as you would if she were a substance abuser.  You need to start with establishing boundaries.  Abusive, disrespectful behavior is not to be tolerated.  If her behavior makes interacting with her unpleasant/intolerable/unpredictable, don't interact with her.  You can greet her at events, be civil/polite but don't engage.  Don't invite her to events at your house.  You can't do anything about her behavior but you have a lot of control over your own.  You may not like your choices but you do have many.  Disengaging is probably one of the most effective and useful.  HTH.[/quote]

This. Grief is ugly and tough to watch. When someone is suffering, he or she is expected to crawl under a rock and die off quietly, because it is unacceptable to inconvenience the more fortunate in any way. It is sad, but it's true.

OP, may you never be in your SIL's shoes. Meaning never have a crisis that will have your family turn away and forget about you, because you are nothing but a nuisance to them.[/quote]

SIL isn't "inconveniencing" people.  She's not making them "uncomfortable."  She's not a "nuisance."  She's been a raging bitch to everyone in her family for 15 years.  She's been mean and toxic.  For 15 years.  She made a new mother cry because that mother had the temerity to have a baby when SIL couldn't.  Her family walks on eggshells around her.  It's not her grief that they object to; it's the fact that she makes a giant spectacle of it in order to make them all feel sorry for her at every possible opportunity.  She makes every niece's birthday party and every nephew's broken arm about her.  She wields her grief like a club against the very same people that she demands money from.  She hits people.  For 15 years.

Grief does not give you carte blanc to treat your family like crap for the rest of your life.  This SIL needs treatment, because she's clearly suffering from some kind of mental illness or disorder.  In the meantime, her family is not obligated to take her shit endlessly.  [/quote]

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