Reply to He Wasn't Supposed To Date a Hot Preschool Teacher

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I do have photos of the bruises.  But it is not my business what he does except to the extent he does something that hurts the kids.  I am not stalking.  He asked to remain Facebook friends.  I did but I don't follow him so he can see the pics of the kids I post but I don't see his posts.  He called me up to ask me to look at a post he made about a sports competition he was in.  That's how I found out.  I have no intention of contacting anyone.  His entire family is in denial and shunning me even though they were originally involved in the addiction intervention attempts, so I know to keep my mouth shut.  I learned that the hard way.

I keep a picture I have of when things were at their absolute worst before I got out.  I out earn him, I do well with attracting interest in dating (not that I am very interested in it) and I have a good job.  I also have a very close relationship with my kids and many friends and a supportive family.  Yet that doesn't mean there are not moments when I still wish my marriage worked out and that he had been able to face what he needed to.  Sometimes, in those moments, I look at that picture.  Other times, I vent on DCUM.  Someday maybe I will be over it, but I think life will always be a little bit grey for me.  I really believed I was marrying the best guy in the world, you know?  And then it became a nightmare.  That's what abusers do - convince you the best guy in the world is the real guy and the other stuff is an aberration, when they are actually both parts of the same guy and you don't get one without the other.  As someone said in another thread, abusers also tend to pick ultra-committed people.  That's me.  That's how you spend 20 years (or more, as someone else did) trying to make the unworkable work.[/quote]

Op he picked a weak person he could do that to, otherwise you wouldn't have put up with all that.  Something you need to realize so you don't get mixed up with that type of person again.  Most women would have left as soon as there were signs of abuse etc.   You're still over analyzing a co-dependent relationship with two unhealthy people.  The first time he assaulted, choked..what have you the police would have been there and he would be in jail.

Why would you still talk to someone who gave you bruises and allow them on your FB?  I would only text concerning the kids schedule, and that would be it.   I would put a period in it, and go on.  Don't allow him to rent anymore space in your head.[/quote]

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