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Reply to "My teen's room is a disaster...I am getting desperate...please help me help him"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, a lot of the comments here (punishment, natural consequences, etc) are from people who don't have a child with ADHD. My teen does. He has a lot of trouble cleaning his room and the house. What really helps is breaking things into tiny details as a checklist and requiring him to do them. Saturday mornings before he can have any fun he has to do the following list. I am VERY SPECIFIC about all parts of the job and make sure each job doesn't take much more than about 3 minutes. I think he gets instant feedback as he checks off each one -- he doesn't seem to mind doing these things, whereas if I told him to "clean your room" he'd have no idea where to start. Bed ___ Clean all junk out of bed – socks, empty food wrappers, clothes, books, etc. put socks in laundry basket, wrappers in trash etc. ____ Take sheets and blanket off of bed; put them into hamper. ____ Make bed neatly with new sheets and blankets; fluff pillows. Desk ____Clean clutter off of desk top; garbage to trash, dishes and cups to kitchen; school stuff to book bag, books to shelf, etc. ____ Organize items left on desk top neatly ____ Polish top of desk with wipe; throw wipe in trash Floor/clothes ____Pick up all dirty laundry on floor and put in laundry basket. ____Put away all clean, folded laundry, neatly, in correct drawers. ____If laundry basket is full, carry it downstairs to washing machine. ____ Pick up all books and electronics on floor and put away in correct location. ____When carpet is cleared of all clutter, vacuum the rug, all parts of the rug (including corners and under the desk). Dresser ____ Close dresser drawers completely. If you can't, rearrange clothes until you can ____ Declutter top of dresser so you can see the wood. ____ Wipe dresser top with polishing wipe; throw wipe in trash Closet ____ Close closet door completely. If you can't rearrange things so you can. ____ Pick up clothing that has dropped to the floor of the closet and hang it up. Windowsills and doors ____Clean off all junk, garbage, etc from both windowsills. ____Wipe down windowsills with cleaning wipe; throw wipe in trash ____Wipe window panes with spray cleaner and paper towel; throw towels in trash ___ Wipe door handles and light switches with cleaning wipe, throw wipe in trash. ___ Empty trash basket into a new garbage bag; ___Put garbage bag in garbage can outside; return cleaning spray and wipes to cleaning closet [/quote] This list is great for an NT kid or even an ADHD kid who has had a lot of practice but for an ADHD kid who hasn't it's too overwhelming. Also, words like "sort" and "organize" are pretty much meaningless to ADHD kids/adults. Yeah, we get the concept but if we could do it, then we wouldn't have the mess we do! So I would pare down the list to start: Bed ___ Clean all junk out of bed – socks, empty food wrappers, clothes, books, etc. put socks in laundry basket, wrappers in trash etc. ____ Take sheets and blanket off of bed; put them into hamper. ____ Make bed neatly with new sheets and blankets; Desk ____Clean off desk top; garbage to trash, dishes and cups to kitchen; school stuff to book bag, books to shelf, etc. Floor/clothes ____Pick up all dirty laundry on floor and put in laundry basket. ____Put any clean laundry not already in drawers/closet into another laundry basket. ____ Pick up all books and electronics on floor and put on desk. ____Vacuum carpet or rug. Dresser ____ Close dresser drawers completely. If you can't, rearrange clothes until you can ____Clean off desk top; garbage to trash, dishes and cups to kitchen; school stuff to book bag, books to shelf, etc. Closet ____ Close closet door completely. If you can't rearrange things so you can. Bookshelf, Windowsills ____Clean off all junk, garbage to trash, dishes and cups to kitchen; school stuff to book bag, books to shelf from both . Garbage ___ Empty trash basket into a new garbage bag; ___Put garbage bag in garbage can outside; [/quote] OP here. I intentionally did not comment on this list because it would never work for my ADHD son. In fact, it would just overwhelm him and, frankly, annoy him. But he is 15. I have managed to use one word phrases, and that seems to work. For example: Bed (make your bed) Clothes (pick up your clothes and put them in the hamper) Bathroom (clean up the bathroom) Glasses (bring empty glasses to the kitchen) etc. etc. I think the one word instructions are most effective with all teens. Teens do not want to be micromanaged. Even teens with ADHD. My issue is that I want my teen to do these things without my input. That is the big challenge now.[/quote]
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