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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - I have been through this with both of my husbands parents and it is REALLY hard.  There are lots of emotions for sure - anger, disgust, sadness, sympathy, guilt to name a few.  Time is the best remedy for what you are feeling.

One good thing that came from dealing with hoarding in-laws is a few rules that we put in place as a result.  You asked how people coped with the feelings, and my own coping method was to make a few big changes so that I didn't end up in the same boat one day...

Some examples -

1.  My husband and his brother selected a handful of things that they would keep as memories with the idea that they could also be passed down to the grandkids one day  - the rest we got rid of.  We did use an estate person and basically the money we got from consignment paid for 1-800 -GOT - JUNK to haul the rest of the stuff away.

1.  Each of my kids has one memory bin that I saved for them (this is from our stuff, not my in-laws) - both are in HS now, so this is a done deal.  To get to one bin I went through about 6-7 bins of stuff that I had saved over the years and selected papers, art work samples, letters from camp, books and toys from various age groups that represented special moments and showed their personality.   The rest was tossed or donated.

2.  I do not give "permanent" gifts.  I bring food or wine or flowers.  I realized that so much of what cluttered up my house were little gifts that people had given to my family over the years and I felt guilty getting rid of.  I know that must sound awful.   But I find that photos, unexpected phone calls or Facebook messages to say hi and memories from fun experiences together are what really matter most and show people you care so that's where I try to focus.

3.  I declutter a few times a year and always take the extra stuff to the Salvation Army and let them find a home for it.  I find having one place to haul stuff to makes it easier then letting stuff sit as I try to think of the perfect people to ask.  Again, this is just my personal preference, but it keeps my closets and basement clutter free.

4.  Before I check out at Target I always "edit" my cart.  I don't have to do this much now, but when I first became aware of how burdensome extra stuff is I did this for awhile and saved quite a bit of money while curbing my impulse buy tendencies

5.  If I buy stuff to replace old stuff (new dish towels, cleaning supplies, shampoo, band aids), I must first get rid of the old stuff, or at least consolidate the item, before using the new stuff.  I'm sure most people already do this, but I had duplicates of so many things just "sitting" around that I realized I needed to change my habits here

I do not miss or regret anything that I got rid of - it is a relief to have a clutter-free living space and when it comes time to downsize my home, we will be in good shape to do it ourselves, or, god forbid, if my husband or kids have to do it for some reason they will be grateful that I did not leave them with a huge, overwhelming, chaotic mess.  I made these changes about 6 years ago and they have worked like a charm.

[/quote]

I could have written this.  I am determined that my school won't have to go through what I have. I've also discovered, as others have pointed out, that if you keep everything, the true gems get lost in the pile of crap.  You might as well keep nothing.

I have a theory that we are the first generation to inherit from parents who lived their whole lives in a consumer society. My grandparents had very little from their childhood, and more from their later years, so cleaning out their house was a chore, but really wasn't that bad.  However, the stuff accumulated over my parents' lifetime was overwhelming. I hope this generation is learning the lesson -- let go, and dont accumulate so much stuff in the first place.

Finally, I agree that OP's feelings have more to do with her feelings about her Mother's situation than the stuff.  [/quote]

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