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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to go away for a week.  Perhaps your mother is sick or your college best friend is getting chemo.  In any case, these will be his responsibilities, and he will be keeping up with all of them, because you will be checking via phone and email and reminding him about each and every one.[/quote]

I don't think this would work with a man as controlling as this. He wouldn't even let her go away, or her have his mom come in to do everything. [/quote]

Op here. He actually is fine if I take off for a few hours or a few days. He doesn't give me grief about it at all, and can manage the kids on his own. His own mom was a sahm and didn't do half the things I do, so he has never asked her to help.

I think the issue is that he actually DOES do all of this stuff when he's not working. He cooks on weekends, and is the better cook. He works out everyday. He happily attends whatever kid events he can and is a super involved/encouraging dad. He never wastes food. He speaks exclusively in his language to the kids.

He just doesn't get that others can't keep it up, all the time, even if we agree in principle that it's the better way to do things (which I actually do). I used to do a lot of this stuff on my own before I had kids, before I met him even. But now I am too tired to keep it up, all the time.[/quote]

Interesting. for me and most of my friends it is pulling teeth to get their husbands to do anything, go anywhere.  I just came home from a 48 hour work trip and left for a 26 hour family wedding and Sunday afternoon got home. The house looked like every room puked upon itself.  Kids clothes were taken off and dropped in at least 6 different rooms (none in the hamper!), dirty plates on the table and counter (none in the sink!), and the front lawn was 8 inches tall. 
And my DH was "so tired" all he could do Sunday afternoon was feign office work but at 5pm when I went to the BR he was napping with earplugs in!

Maybe he did get run ragged by the kids when I was gone and then we had to do late night on Saturday.

OP's husband does sound a bit OCD, or at least very organized.  Like an accountant type I know.  Can you just tell him that you can't keep up on all of that stuff?  You just recharge differently. Make sure to stress what you are doing and that you do care. And some things that you do not care about.  Don't get passive here and mysterious, just communicate with him what's realistic for you.  [/quote]

Op again. DH is a genius. He skipped 2 grades, and speaks 5 languages with fluency. I'm not kidding.  Almost anything he tries, he becomes good at within a short amount of time.  he manages (well) to work a research job, work a clinic job, and also volunteer his hours weekly with a free clinic with homeless people. Yes, most people think he is the nicest guy in the world. 
 
He does not buy that anyone is 'natural' at anything - he thinks its all about training, effort, support, encouragement. So yes, if we support our son well enough he could play at Julliard one day. or our daughter could be a professional soccer player if we support her enough.

I've told him I can't keep up, and then he wants to sit down and work through it so it gets done the way he wants it - i.e., he now spends his weekends making (home-made) pesto, hummus, tomato sauce, black beans, etc.  He'll just shrug and say "yeah, I get that you are busy, so i'll just do it". which is nice, but he'll NEVER just take the easier way out of things, even every once in a while. It makes life a struggle. Especially with young kids and working full time. [/quote]

Well, I'm sure I'm the only one on this thread that will say this, but this post made me a little jealous.  My husband is also incredibly smart and also has super high standards (about different things -- home cooked food is not one of them), but he doesn't really step up to correct the things he complains about.  The house is a mess, the kids are unruly and don't work hard enough, etc...but he doesn't step up to correct the problem and, when he does say something, it is not in the super nice way that you describe your husband (e.g., the missed piano notes -- my husband would just say "That sounds terrible.  You're rushing.  You need to stop and work harder to get it right instead of just playing whatever.")   
In your case, I think I would be honest with him that I just don't have the energy to keep up with his standards, but I adore all the home-made pesto, so if he has the time and energy to do that after work and playing with the kids and everything else, that's great, but that it would put me in the loony bin, which I'm sure he doesn't want.  And then I would sit back and eat my home-made pesto and listen to my kids lovely piano playing and ignore the passive-aggressive comments about how many times I'd been to the gym!    That's absolutely what 99% of men would do.  Read all the posts from women about men that can't meet their house-keeping and child-rearing standards -- do you think those guys are posting on DCUM about how they are so bummed that they can't meet their wives' standards (which apparently typically include things like occasionally feeding the kids, and wiping their poopy butts)?  No, they are willfully oblivious and turn on the game.  You need to let yourself be a little bit more like the average American male and be comfortable with disappointing your spouse.  Once you can cheerfully say "Yeah, I SHOULD go to the gym 7 days a week.  But the couch is so comfortable!" then you can just relax and enjoy all the things he is apparently willing and eager to do!

[/quote]

Thanks, that is an idea! That's actually what my friends say, they call me the guy in the relationship because I really just don't care about half the details he is concerned with. [/quote]

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