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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband of 5 years (no kids) and I had real issues stemming partially from mental health issues that really drove us apart.  We have put in a lot of work to tackle the problems, improve communication etc, and have a pleasant life  and relationship.  But I feel no passion for him, love and respect but no real desire.  He's low drive so that won't drive him crazy - but I'm trying to decide whether this will keep me happy long term if it's as good as we'll get.

Has anyone been happy long term in a marriage like this?  Or does it eventually build up and topple everything.[/quote]

OP, your next relationship will become passionless with time too. It is the nature of long-term relationships. Because you have no children, there is no compelling reason for you to stay.

Happiness has little to do with it, so you are asking the wrong question. [/quote]

I agree, and I wish this whole idea of passion, romance and marriage would just die off. It is a recently developed and I think misguided view of marriage that has taken over western culture and not at all realistic. Respect, companionship, alignment of life goals/priorities, yes. [b]Sparks and passion, they last only a short time and they are no reason to get married or stay married.[/b]
[/quote]

I agree. I also agree with PPs who say that children change the rules of the engagement, so if you married a person for passion and intend to procreate, good luck to you! Better have a lot of common ground lined up when the passion goes out the window. No thoughts on child-free marriages. I guess things just change over time, because nothing is permanent in this world.

In fact, the idea of romantic love and a marriage based on romantic love stems from the European Renaissance. Yes, it has absolutely overtaken the Western popular culture, and our girls are brainwashed to start planning their white weddings since infancy. This leads to a whole ton of disappointment when they grow up and realize that fairy tales are just that. From the biological perspective, attraction of two young and healthy people lasts for about 5 years or so. Enough for the female to get pregnant, give birth, and nurse the offspring to the age of relative survivablity with the help of the male. Once that enterprise is over, the couple is compelled to move to other partners to shake up the genetic pool for the greater good of humanity. Everything else is imposed by society, and often for a good reason. Family, greater community, your support network, your emotional and financial stability, your chldren's safety and inherited wealth are nothing to sneeze at. [/quote]

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