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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Saturday morning, as my husband and I were preparing for a weekend trip, he lost his temper and a couple of people in our condo building witnessed it. I feel mortified.

He has an explosive temper and very low tolerance for frustration. He's been working on it - meditating daily, which has helped A LOT - but he still blows up sometimes. Saturday his computer died just before we left, and we were running late, and he kept forgetting to pack things and having to go back inside... I went upstairs to grab his coat and when I came back down and got off the elevator in the lobby, I heard a man telling the concierge, "There's a man standing outside by himself shouting. Maybe you should do something." A moment later I realized it was my husband; he had lost control. As soon as he saw me coming through the door he screamed at me, "MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!" - he had forgotten one more thing and needed the keys from me to go up and get it. I looked back at the concierge, and she looked at me, and I have never felt so embarrassed in my life.

Something in me just broke. I spent the entire car ride thinking about what life is going to be like when I'm divorced and alone. It made me so terribly sad. I'll never have children. It's so hard to meet someone new. I don't want to be on my own. I wish our society didn't look down on single women. I look into my future and see myself alone, my parents getting older, my parents eventually gone, my siblings raising their families and me with nobody. I've been unable to have children since we started trying a few years ago and for that reason, plus the situation I described here, I am so, so depressed.

As usual, once the incident was over, my husband had put it behind him and only noticed 3/4 of the way through the drive that I hadn't said anything for three hours. When I explained my silence, he was incredulous that the guy in the lobby had said anything and that I felt humiliated. "I shouldn't have lost my temper, but it only lasted 15 seconds," he said. (To which I replied, "How long does a car accident take?") We talked about splitting up over the weekend - which was extra painful as we were traveling to meet my sibling's new baby. He doesn't want to split, but he also doesn't want to feel like he can't "express his frustration" when he feels it. And he's tired of coming home to an unhappy wife. (See "depressed," above.)

I don't have a question, really. I just needed to write this out and know that someone would read it. Thanks for listening. [/quote]

OP, I have not read the responses, as I identified with your post first hand.

My husband has an explosive temper.  He throws things. A lot.  He yells at me and the children.  A lot.  At first, I did not think this was a problem.  Years later, I walk on eggshells still.  To say that my DH does not communicate well is an understatement.  He comes form an abusive family.  I have posted on here on occasion, in spurts, only to get reamed and told to divorce (given very little information); so frankly this is not the place for you to be asking.

But I can share my experience, within limited scope, and tell you that things are not going to get better.  In fact, things will very, very probably get worse. Our children emulate his awful points, and this is a problem.  A real problem.  Whether or not you don't want it to be, whether or not he seeks help, whether or not he admits he has a problem.....there are so many factors that may mean nothing.

My DH is a charmer.  Everyone (everyone) loves - no, adores - him.  I can't think of one person who does not like him, really. They have no idea.  None.  He barely even drinks (an occasional beer - which is not the issue).  He goes on tirades that don't last that long, but certainly cause permanent damage.  Mostly about money.  He has huge - no enormous - insecurities about money that are unfounded, but have everything to do with his upbringing.  There are a few other topics that set him off irrationally and HARD.  I do not want to divulge which, because the issues are so irrational, it will most certainly out him.  He is very successful (his abuse by his family contributed to DH's successes, if you can wrap your head around that).

When we first were engaged, he had his first tirade in front of me, about spending money on a $12. item.  $12., that's it.  I should have known now what this meant, but I was too young to realize.  He had no problem spending hundreds on shoes or sunglasses, but this $12. item was a enormous deal to him.  It has messed me up a bit, in that my gauge for what matters with him (and me) is off, as he has abusive tendencies, anger issues, and issues from his being abused.  He does not talk about his family.  He does not really see his family, more than a few times per year.  He is an awful human being around his family.  I generally do not see his family.  I hate them for what they did. Not dislike, but hate. I wish I could send them this writing, seriously.

Whatever you decide, know that you went into this with this warning.  It does not get better.   If you think counseling might help, try it.  But I can honestly say that Dh's family should have gotten counseling, and they did not.  Dh definitely needs counseling, but he has charmed even the counselors, so there is that.  If you think that sounds like a waste of good money, well, it certainly is. I wish you well.

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