Reply to A Mother's Reckoning by Susan Klebold

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I did read the book and some of the comments on here are really uninformed.  I get that some of you think she missed things.  I do, too. Quite a lot of things, actually.  I think she made some big mistakes.  But, none of those mistakes are something that I would consider as a reason to blame her.  In fact, I've had friends with children who got into much more trouble than this kid and ended up just fine.

I also think the big thing to remember is it wasn't just the parents that missed things.  Others trained at dealing with children failed to catch him and Eric.  Dylan did have at least 1 violent writing that he submitted for a class.  It was flagged but nothing done.  In his trouble with Eric the year before -breaking into an empty van and stealing- he completed all his diversionary program's requirements and was discharged from the program early for exemplary behavior. The kid hid a LOT.

I think back to my own adolescence and I hit a lot, too.  Nothing violent or over the top bad.  But there were lots of things my parents did know, people I was with and places I went and drinking I was doing and sex I was having.  But, at home, I was an A+ cheerleader, in the NHS, I had a job, and was going off to college.  So, I don't think it's incomprehensible that she did not see things.

The issue i have with her book is a) the willingness to more or less blame the other kid (Eric). I don't doubt his maliciousness and influence over a depressed Dylan. But, Dylan participated equally. And B) I think she goes just a bit too far to painting their family as sunshine and rainbows.

My last thought is this: She doesn't "owe" the victims anything.  I think their lawsuits were ludicrous.  She didn't pull the trigger.  Plus, she has paid dearly.  Financially ruined. Divorce. Her own physical and mental health deteriorated. Her family received DEATH THREATS. She has to live with what her son did for the rest of her life.  She has apologized to the victims (some accepted it; some did not). She's done enough.
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Maybe if you had gotten yourself arrested, expelled and your grades tanked your parents would have reined you in a bit?  I think you are comparing a teen w/normal (although a bit wild) social life and school involvement to teens who had gotten in trouble together before and were in the process of going off the rails in a big way.  Eric has been described as a seriously disturbed psychopath. That is not an every day sort of diagnosis...

There probably isn't a teen in history that hasn't pulled the wool over their parents' eyes about something (I know I sure did).  But to not know that your kid is a freakin' psychopath?  Is that even possible?  And to allow your depressed kid to hang out with someone that he had a history of getting in trouble with?  That was a bad call.[/quote]

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